Erotic tales to turn you off and on again.
Joined June 2012
- Tweets 3,708
- Following 1,376
- Followers 205,394
- Likes 2,581
14 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
7 Sep 2015
'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.'
'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
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1 Apr 2023
Btw Happy April Fool Day
1 Apr 2023
Can’t believe they’re making a film of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident! Who’s going to play the skis?
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1 Apr 2023
Can’t believe they’re making a film of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident! Who’s going to play the skis?
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29 Mar 2023
Not sure about our new delivery guys 😬
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30 Mar 2023
Writers are a different breed - to everyone else, Happy Pub Day means something very different…
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29 Mar 2023
The second episode of Challenge Anneka only drew half as many viewers. I wonder how many, like me, got it confused with Treasure Hunt?
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29 Mar 2023
Far more exciting than Jurassic Park…
29 Mar 2023
This is a woolly mammoth meatball. Scientists at the “cultivated meat company” @itsjustvow used the DNA sequence of the long-extinct mammal to grow the flesh in a lab, demonstrating the potential for producing protein without slaughtering animals.
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29 Mar 2023
LATEST: Twitter users win as Elon Musk reverses paid ‘For You’ visibility plan.
As you were.
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29 Mar 2023
Look-In - no better way to get a feeling for eighties pop culture!
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28 Mar 2023
“I’m sorry,” said Pooh as Tigger scowled and laid down his spoon. “I’m all out of antelope and buffaloes.”
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28 Mar 2023
With Twitter Blue there’ll be no more photos like this. Tweet of the Year…
27 Mar 2023
Ian Dury - Durex as he often called himself - seen here in a prospective collaboration that would have set the world on its ear.
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28 Mar 2023
If Twitter were a pub…
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27 Mar 2023
Bedtime. For once no screaming, no windows shattering, just the all-night cicada-like rhythm of unanswered buzzer alarms to break the silence.
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27 Mar 2023
Most people don’t read books, far less know publishers. They play football or watch tv, or deep sea dive or simply don’t have the time. Twitter skews our world view dramatically. A girl I was hoping to impress with tales of working with Stephen Fry had never heard of him. 🤷♂️
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27 Mar 2023
Never, ever leave your clothes out after midnight…
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27 Mar 2023
Breakfast just arrived at eleven. No explanation why. Hot milk in cereals. No juice. Pretty normal.
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26 Mar 2023
Whatever I think of this home, the carers are having a hell of a day. New resident arrived in ambulance- since then he’s done nothing but yell, bang on furniture and smash windows. Been in and out of ambulances all afternoon but his wife said‘I’m not bloody having him back!’
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25 Mar 2023
If you rave about Cadbury’s Easter eggs, you’ve clearly never had one of these…
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25 Mar 2023
No one humblebrags like Ricky!
25 Mar 2023
I had no money growing up. My dad was a labourer & my mum did everything to make ends meet. I went to the local comprehensive at the end of my road. Life was tough, I guess. And yet, all I can remember is having a laugh. Anyway, in May, I'm playing The Hollywood Fucking Bowl 😂
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25 Mar 2023
“Don’t forget to put all your clocks forward tonight,” said Piglet.
“How much?” asked Pooh.
“About five inches, I think,” said Piglet, confidently.
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23 Mar 2023
I asked for an extra blanket because I was cold the other night (heating still not fixed). I haven’t dared ask for a new bed or something to chew or I’ll probably get a basket and a rubber bone.
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