I’d rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
Joined August 2013
- Tweets 14,670
- Following 393
- Followers 755
- Likes 2,568
742 Photos and videos
Actually, it means you quit. winners never quit, and quitters never win.
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if you get hungover after drinking, its simply because you werent drinking with a pure enough heart.
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Holy shit. I remember hearing about it on Stern, and then I saw the South Park episode I realized it was actually a real movie. I should have stopped there. It was awful in so many ways
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Other Beery retweeted
I, too, have decided not to build nukes in exchange for $300 billion
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Other Beery retweeted
I’m sorry, but sterilizing flies isn’t the answer to screwworms. We need abstinence only programs.
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Other Beery retweeted
Pro tip: get a library card, even if you won't use it much. Cities look at those numbers, and they help keep libraries open, funded properly, and safe from budget cuts.
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I had a Volvo xc90 that had an automatic rain sensor function that perfectly matched the wiper speed to the rain amount perfectly. I miss that feature the most
Jun 14
I've never found a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
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Other Beery retweeted
When I point the remote directly at the TV, nothing happens.
If I accidentally drop it between the couch cushions, it switches from Netflix to Hulu, opens four apps, changes the subtitles to Portuguese, and somehow starts playing Christmas music.
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The answer is $10,000.
Any guess on how much this trip to Vermont at the Sterling Ridge Resort is worth?
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Any guess on how much this trip to Vermont at the Sterling Ridge Resort is worth?
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Top tier joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you. You’ve had too much already.”
The man sighs, leaves, walks around the corner, and comes back in through the side door.
He sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender looks up and says, “I told you five minutes ago, I can’t serve you.”
The man leaves again, walks around the block, and enters through the back door.
He sits down and orders another drink.
The bartender slams his hand on the counter.
“I told you, you’re cut off! Get out!”
The man stares at him and says,
“Man… how many bars do you work at?”
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There’s nothing stopping any of us from making a song like this, posting it, just to see what happens
Jun 14
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Other Beery retweeted
Instead of adding pink ribbons to their products every October maybe companies should just remove the cancer causing ingredients
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Jun 15
I meefed quite a few lunvh’s back in my day
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Jun 15
Saliva DOES have clotting properties
Jun 14
I think everyone wishes human saliva had cleaning properties. Like We could all lick each other clean there would be no need for baths like imagine ur partner coming home after a backbreaking job and u start licking him squeaky clean yall feeling me on this one
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Jun 15
Same reason you put an upside down pineapple or a loofah on your car
Why do full grown adults feel the urge to put rubber duckies on their car dashboard
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Jun 14
There really needs to be a full dishwasher operation and stacking
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Jun 13
Dishwasher hack. I started using the tilt feature on my dishwasher to help prevent water from pooling on my dishes
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Jun 13
Nothing like working outside all day whilst smelling the roast on the charcoal, then finally relaxing and eating, watching British sitcoms from the 70s over the air for free. Saturdays nights in Vermont
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Jun 13
“The government is there to SERVE the liberties of the People, not restrict them” Margaret Thatcher
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Jun 13
I went to a very strict college with a dress code: shirt and tie until lunch. Collared shirts at all times. Ironing a shirt became second nature, which was useful after college for about…..two years….
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Jun 13
Again, yesterday my MIL used the phrase “that’s a pain in the bush” and I have questions
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