The ramblings of the world's most disorganised escort...
Joined September 2018
- Tweets 36
- Following 34
- Followers 19
- Likes 82
7 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
5 Feb 2019
Client: I'll be your sub! DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME!
Me: ADHD is like living with an errant 2 year old. I'm in a permanent battle to avoid starving to death, burning down the kitchen or leaving the house without trousers. I DO NOT NEED TWICE THE AMOUNT OF HUMAN TO LOOK AFTER!
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12 Apr 2019
When the other escort is into me, but I'm secretly more hot for the Daddy that's paying... 😂
12 Apr 2019
I'm at my hottest when I'm ill. I know this because my phone always rings off the hook when I'm bedridden, covered in snot and completely unable to work.
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TheAdhdEscort retweeted
5 Apr 2019
Prostitutes are named that because they’re an awesome combination of prosperous and astute I will not be taking questions at this time.
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7 Apr 2019
Drove an hour to a client who txt me as I arrived to say he'd be 40mins late. He was "too broke" to afford any extra cash. Drove home. My self-respect is worth more than my hourly rate.
You CAN pay rent in self-respect, right? 🤔
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12 Mar 2019
*Bulky parcel arrives in the post*
Me: Ooo, I wonder what it is??
Postman: *flips it over*
We both stare at the lable.
"Freedoms Condom Shop"
Ah. It would be the 216 condoms I forgot I'd ordered then...
#RentboyProblems #SexworkerProblems
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28 Feb 2019
I guess 3/5 isn't bad.
I'll leave you to guess whether I have a father or a drivers licence... 😏
27 Feb 2019
no gay has all five:
- a job
- good relationship with father
- neurotypical brain
- ability to top
- driver's license
28 Feb 2019
Woo, Twitter, in their greatness, have hidden my client-facing twitter, presumably for nudity 😱
My posts are still visible, but engagement is down 90% 😒
28 Feb 2019
One of my clients is called Sean Dean and I can't stop calling him 'Shaun Dawn' in my head... 😄
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TheAdhdEscort retweeted
28 Nov 2018
All bodies are miracles. Every day I get down on my knees and I pray to God and say Dear God, thank you for this meat sculpture you have imprisoned my immortal soul in. I will find a witch to undo your curse and when I am released we’ll see who smites who now you son of a bitch.
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TheAdhdEscort retweeted
29 Aug 2016
When a client pays you for having sex and then asks you what you do for a living.
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8 Feb 2019
When you reach for what you think is a tissue, discover its a fiver, and seriously consider blowing your nose on it anyway. #EscortProblems
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5 Feb 2019
Ha. Relate. This is how I came to break a 3 week old phone by swatting it at a wall...
7 Sep 2018
when your friend borrows your phone and you accidentally left your porn tab open and them accidentally coming across it and you having to rIP it out of their hands
TheAdhdEscort retweeted
3 Feb 2019
Me: I’m a companion; I look like a model, socialize like a queen, fuck like a porn star, research like a detective, manage like a CEO. I got this.
Also me: sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read instructions for microwave burritos.
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4 Feb 2019
Bought vegan bread by mistake and now I'm spreading butter on it...
This may be my last ever tweet. The vegans will come for me.