There is a crisis in boys and young men today because because in the rush to get rid of so-called "toxic masculinity", society demonized all masculinity (or tried to replace it with a neutered, feminized version that simply does not work) and young men need aspirational examples of healthy, genuine male-modelled masculinity in order to develop properly.
I do get it. I see WHY it was so easy to go too far in the drive to get rid of toxic masculinity and instead erase all masculinity. There is not much wiggle room between the toxic and the healthy versions, mostly differences in scale and intent but not type. We took a sledge hammer to it when we should have used a scalpel.
For example, a classic example of toxic masculinity is male violence. I think we can all agree male violence is a hallmark of toxic masculinity, especially when directed towards women. But the idea that therefore ALL male violence = toxic does not follow.
The fact is, "violence" - or to be precise, "the ability to use violence as a tool where appropriate and necessary" - is a core part of healthy masculinity. We can all see that the guy who is violent towards his wife b/c she came home late from work or wore something sexy to the club is CLEARLY an example of toxic masculinity. But imagine a man is out with his wife & kids and someone approaches with a knife and is acting aggressive/violent towards his family. In that scenario, using violence to protect his family is the epitome of healthy masculinity, whereas any man unwilling/unable to use violence as a tool in that context is a failed man.
Another example of the close tie between toxic masculinity and it's healthy version is the concept of ownership. For sure, men who believe their wives/gf are LITERALLY their property and therefore they can do what they want with them are undeniably toxic. But that doesn't mean ALL feelings of "ownership " towards one's family is toxic. As a man, I feel responsible for the safety and protection of my family. Keyword, MY family. Doesn't mean I think they're my property for me to do as I wish. It DOES mean i feel that my wife/gf & my kids are my responsibility to keep safe. The feelings of protectiveness and responsibility a man with healthy masculinity will feel towards his family are absolutely rooted in SOME form of concept of "ownership"; not legally/practically, but certainly at least on some benevolent, psychological level.
In other words, the difference between knowing WHEN to use violence and WHO to use it against is the key differentiator between "toxic masculinity" and it's healthy version, not the application of male violence in and of itself.
Obviously this is a very broad generalization, but it's also broadly true; at the heart of healthy masculinity is a protective instinct and at the heart of healthy femininity is a nurturing instinct. That is why the fundamental sex-based behavior of men and women tend to reflect these concepts. That doesnt mean social conditioning doesnt exacerbate or inflame our innate differences or that exceptions aren't abundant.
At the end of the day, society needs healthy versions of both healthy masculinity and healthy femininity to be healthy. No, of course nobody should feel compelled to perform any version of either of these if they dont want too, and a healthy, modern society must always make space for men and women who have no interest in participating in traditional sex-based social roles. But I believe most ppl WANT to adhere to these roles (I.e. most straight men want to be masculine and most straight women want to be feminine) b/c these things have been baked into our DNA over millions of years of evolution optimizing our reproduction.
At the end of the day, men and women are not enemies, we are partners; we need each other. And the best way for the species to thrive is when healthy versions of The Sacred Masculine and The Sacred Feminine coexist as the dominant theme in male/female relations.
what opinion about men do you have that makes people feel like this?