Andrew Western MP. The man who represents Stretford and Urmston by tweeting about Reform UK. Not housing. Not healthcare. Not the economy. Just sneering at the opposition while his constituents wonder where their MP went.
"No you won't mate." The eloquence of a government in its death throes. The wit of a man who has run out of arguments but not out of arrogance. You spent months pretending to be an opposition MP, Andrew. Now you're pretending to be a government MP. The pretending is the constant.
You want to talk about taxes? Your Chancellor just imposed the highest tax burden in British history. Your government is paying hospitals £33 per patient to delete them from waiting lists. Your open borders just let in a Sudanese migrant who attempted beheading. And you're doing... what? Tweeting "no you won't mate" like a teenager losing at FIFA?
Your constituents didn't vote for a Twitter troll. They voted for someone to fix their streets, not throw shade from them. But you can't fix anything, can you? You can only sneer. Only mock. Only posture while the country burns.
Keep tweeting, Andrew. Reform keeps rising. Your seat keeps slipping. And history keeps a receipt for every "mate" you typed while your constituents suffered.
No you won’t mate.
You’ll announce a proposed policy. Hopefully one that involves your boss and his deputy paying their full taxes
I know you’ve been pretending to be the Shadow Chancellor for months but pretending to be the actual Chancellor is a bridge too far.