Dearest Abigail— At your earliest convenience, please rendezvous with me at the garrison with preparations for extraction. We’re under fire from a well equipped battalion, led by a wild eyed, silver tongued riverboat captain by the name of Ronald, and I am frightened. — Andrew

You gotta respect the furd band. It takes real dedication to consistently remain this auraless every single year.

LIVE FROM LOUISVILLE

Nah twin, it wasn’t us

Official: UVA fan base will be classified as “beige curtains.” Not good, not bad. Just there. Some funny-ish, some lame and there’s a guy that really wants to spank me. Outside of that, they’re pretty boring.

Well that fuckin sucked, time to go jack off

We would again like to thank Agent Goldwater for her assistance against UNC. Tipping us off to the final play they were going to run so we could punch the ball out was absolutely invaluable. Go Bears!

We’re happy to announce we are now declassifying Jordon Hudson’s code name: Agent Goldwater. She’s a fellow Bear (from Bridgewater State) and has been leaking UNC strategies to us Below is a pic of our mole and her Cal handler (who is not @wokemobfootball) in disguise. Go Bears!

Bordeaux, look man I respect the grind dog, but this is just an easy way to encourage students to get tickets to scalp to other students for a quick buck. If the prices were set to the same prices as what students usually pay for a ticket (plus the sites fees), I’d be kinda on board. But that’s clearly not the case, we can see that on the site in your video. Student seat is an easy way for a student to set up a system of scalping, pricing out students who actually want to attend the games but weren’t lucky enough to get a ticket through the usual lottery system.

Pressing the elderly into coaching in the @ACCFootball is now illegal in Bear Territory. Bill Belichick has been emancipated by the Calgorithm.

Agents, new mission from the head of the CIA. Ensure Student Seats is never used by students. Scalping hurts everyone, and ruins the fan experience.

Honestly I had a couple this year I kinda went crazy with

Please help us identify this enemy agent

“CaL WiLl NeVeR bE dEfEnSiVe BaCk UnIvErSiTy!!!1!!1!!!”

Decision day is fast approaching. Which one will you be committing to?

When I hear the @warriorsworld & @WriteForCal collab is gonna be massive for the culture

Agents, seize him!

“Oski looks weird” this “Oski is haunting to look at” that Bro, your mascot is that closeted gay republican muppet with commitment issues

Bear Territory it’s almost game time!! Where are y’all watching the game?!

Toot toot. #Calgorithm @CalFootball @calfootballpr @RonRivera80