The name's Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. I don't see crises - only challengitunities.
Joined August 2011
- Tweets 333
- Following 69
- Followers 23,994
- Likes 192
45 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
6 Sep 2023
👌 efficient
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Apr 1
Who even needs Science anymore?
We’re pivoting into an exciting new field; little rubber ducks that you stick inside of the bathtub so you don’t slip!
Exciting! Innovation!
Chariots!
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Cave Johnson retweeted
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Cave Johnson retweeted
Jan 27
GLaDOS says…
Forget STEM
Learn SCREAM
Science
Critical
Reasoning
Ethics
Arts
Math
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Jan 25
Cave Johnson here.
When a system responds to tension with lethal force, that’s not enforcement, that’s a failed process loudly declaring success.
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Jan 25
If your first instinct is to justify the outcome instead of question the system, you already know it failed.
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12 Dec 2025
Ha.
Look at you being sad when a thing that doesn’t exist, doesn’t get announced.
While I’ve got your attention, I’d love to tell you about an excellent investment opportunity into a crypto-AI-algorithm-synergy-integration.
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18 Nov 2025
Great things come in pairs;
PAIR OF KINGS.
BOOKENDS.
THE TWO JANES IN ACCOUNTING WE CLONED.
Name a trilogy people even regard highly, or have been asking for. I’m willing to the employee retirement account you people can’t.
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10 Sep 2025
This is slander.
I can’t steal from myself.
so you are a portal 2 fan? name every lore accurate parallel universe cave johnson stole tests from
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so true
12 Jul 2025
100 aura points if your company name incorporates "laboratories" instead of "labs".
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19 Apr 2025
Ew
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22 Feb 2025
Looks good, ship ‘em.
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23 Oct 2024
That seems pricey.
Put up a legally absolving poster instead.
22 Oct 2024
Just put these up in the office to prepare for any unforeseen consequences.
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10 Sep 2024
Well that has to be a typo.
Clearly you mean Greg.
8 Sep 2024
That whole woke gaming list thing is so fucking funny because like what do you mean Portal 2 is anti-patriarchy because Wheatley and Cave Johnson are morons
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10 Sep 2024
I’m not saying that every person who signed that book signed up for testing.
I’m just letting you know we received 340,000 new applicants somehow.
It’s a mystery.
A legally dubious mystery.
7 Sep 2024
340,000 names all compiled into 1 book. This is a symbol of the astounding amount of people that love TF2 and want to see it flourish.
This book has now reached its destination at Valve HQ. The future is looking bright for TF2. Thanks for taking part, everyone ❤️
#FixTF2
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31 Aug 2024
Sometimes you just have to start over.
29 Aug 2024
I’m not sure we’d have the equipment to handle this one 💦
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