Delightful | twitter.com/search?q=from:…
Joined March 2011
- Tweets 38,055
- Following 1,664
- Followers 11,174
- Likes 173,991
7,184 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
7 Feb 2020
Professor X: what’s your superpower?
Me: forgetting everyone‘s name immediately after we met
Professor whatshisname: get out
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Julicorn retweeted
Jun 9
the worst part of getting fired was the hr lady butchering the delivery while reading my tweets
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Jun 8
[on my death bed]
"Why didn't I just buy a normal bed?"
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May 26
and for the lady, perhaps a fucking break
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Always try to be helpful. Instead of saying “fuck off”, say “how can I help you fuck off”. It costs nothing to be kind.
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May 24
The resident of Pompeii who was consuming it at the time.
Whats missing from this breakfast? 🍳
Community note
Undisclosed AI generated image used for engagement bait.
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meaningless engagement bait ai generated image, which breaks Twitter TOS around authenticity
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Julicorn retweeted
Apr 28
I used to think this ending was unrealistic
why would anyone just throw away $1,000,000s of dollar worth of their children and grandchildren’s inheritance for a brief moment of relief
then i learned about boomers and it all made sense
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A pretty critical evolutionary event about 400,000 years ago??
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Apr 18
dont do it buddy it’s a trap they’re gonna make you email
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A country that has nuclear weapons is threatening to use its nuclear weapons on the country it won’t allow to have nuclear weapons because if they had nuclear weapons they would ‘use them.’
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Apr 4
this is the worst karaoke bar i’ve ever been to
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20 Apr 2019
Jesus: 🎶 coming out of my tomb and I‘ve been doing just fine 🎶
Peter: Jeez
Jesus: 🎶 gotta gotta rise up because my dad is god 🎶
Peter: dude no
Jesus: 🎶 ’CAUSE I’M MR. CHRISTGUY 🎶
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1 Apr 2021
Jesus: Christ carpentry, how can I help you?
Pontius Pilate: I need beams, so thick two of them combined could hold a man’s weight
Jesus: and how many nails do you need?
Pilate: 3 if you can put one foot over the other
Jesus: what
Pilate: what
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7 Apr 2023
Disciple: let’s call this day Good Friday
Jesus *from the cross*: “lEt’S cAlL tHiS dAy-“ fuck you, how about we call that one time you shat your pants at Chipotle “Hilarious Tuesday“, Bob?
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Julicorn retweeted
2 Apr 2021
[Crucifying]
Apostle: this day will be known as Good Friday
Jesus *from the cross*: I don’t know man, so far it’s been shit
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17 Apr 2019
[hell orientation]
Satan: and on Good Friday, we eat fish
Me: wait, you’re religious down here?
Satan: nah, it’s Steve‘s birthday and he fucking hates fish
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