They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson
Joined March 2007
- Tweets 2,810
- Following 1,500
- Followers 1,130
- Likes 202
69 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
8 Dec 2015
I want to remind everybody that I'm just a random dude who tweets dad jokes. Direct your ecoli tweets to @chipotletweets
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Apr 2
Thanks for letting me and my crew know, but just an fyi we dropped the myspace guy a long time ago - he was a dick
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Mar 14
I'll give it my best, but the odds of me catching you are not great
Mar 13
Catch me @Chipotle today 🥰
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22 May 2025
Congratulations, but I'm going to need a paternity test
20 May 2025
I’m pregnant and @chipotle is the daddy.
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31 Oct 2024
Absolutely, but be very careful our beans are extremely hot.
30 Oct 2024
Hey @Chipotle, does my birthday suit count as a costume for tomorrow?
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1 Oct 2024
I probably deserve the verbal tongue lashing, but just to clarify my pronouns are he, him.
1 Oct 2024
Just wanna say fuck Chipotle. They fell off so hard and makes me feel like shit every time.
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8 Sep 2024
Not opposed, but perhaps a coffee date first.
7 Sep 2024
I love @Chipotle and chipotle love me😩
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10 Apr 2024
At this point my hits are few and far between
8 Apr 2024
@Chipotle is either a hit or a miss. Today it was a miss.
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14 Oct 2023
To be fair, they're not the only ones who think my "you definitely can judge a book by its cover" take is problematic
14 Oct 2023
Not ok with the @chipotle slander in #loveisblind
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13 Jul 2023
Al lives next door and is a good dude
13 Jul 2023
Hey @chipotle, I don’t know who this Pastor Al guy is, but his chicken is delicious!
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8 Jul 2023
"It" is a bit rude, but I get your point. Also, it's not really a mystery - I got old.
7 Jun 2023
Chipotle went downhill a few years ago idk what happened I used to like it
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12 Apr 2023
Thanks, but elite is a stretch. I'm solidly mediocre on a good day
11 Apr 2023
I really don’t understand da @chipotle slander I hear from folks
Dey always have been & always will be elite
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24 Mar 2023
But, you never call. ☹️
24 Mar 2023
Another day of me thinking about @chipotle 🥹
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27 Jan 2023
Sorry about that - I gotta get my mansplaining under control
27 Jan 2023
@Chipotle just pissed me off so bad!
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16 Dec 2022
Line forms to the right
16 Dec 2022
I'm having a late night craving for @Chipotle
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13 Nov 2022
I'm not sure it applies to you, but my problem is that I haven't left the house in over 2 years and people freak me out
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10 Nov 2022
I don't know about the other Chips, but I'm old and don't get out much
10 Nov 2022
Why are all the chips stale? @chipotle
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9 Nov 2022
Absolutely (selling them sure didn’t work)
8 Nov 2022
@Chipotle needa start giving out memberships
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