You've got some serious mental health issues.
There are portions of Christianity that even Ph.D’s can’t comprehend.
And there are simple truths that even a child can understand.
While we humans complicate everything, the love of Christ is a very simple concept at its core.
When you truly believe and appreciate Jesus, you’re naturally going to want to obey Him. Jesus doesn’t force you; He invites you. The evidence is laid out for us in the gospels, by His greatest friends who died willingly because they knew He was God.
I can’t possibly understand how an infinite and omnipresent God I can’t understand or define would choose to love humanity, yet He does! We are precious to Jesus, made in His image, and He desires all of us to be saved in heaven with Him.
We’ve done nothing to deserve this, and much to grieve Him. Yet still, He willingly accepted a tortured death on a cross because He covered our sins with His blood and gave us a way out we never could have found alone.
No other faith has a god who loves us this much. Many enjoy demonstrating their power or battling adversaries. The humiliation of being a human and dying is beyond their comprehension,
But not Jesus.
When you understand how most you once were, headed to hell, hopeless and selfish, and how Christ stepped in and took a punishment you couldn’t for a debt you could never repay, you are forever transformed by the Holy Spirit.
You desire to read His word, to learn more, to obey His commandments, to worship Him, to thank Him, and to lead others to Him. These things aren’t obligatory anymore; they’re as natural as breathing. You have the freedom NOT to do them, but you can’t imagine life another way.
Loving Jesus means that you learn a new form of patience for unbelievers. You care for their souls and find ways to live even the unlovable. This feeling comes naturally because pleasing Christ is your life’s mission.
Many love to hear about Jesus but fail to make Him Lord. Others equally misunderstand Jesus and make up false theology. Still others think following rules will save them.
That’s not good enough because Jesus wants your love, not compelled obedience. If you struggle to feel anything for Him, ask yourself why. What sin bars you from embracing Him?