emotions.exe has stopped working. Tech chaos & memes | Ctrl Alt Del daily | Fixing emotions one reboot at a time | KE based
Joined February 2026
- Tweets 1,233
- Following 492
- Followers 389
- Likes 208
30 Photos and videos
Aura culti-fuvking-vation.
You think you're the coolest guy in super car until that aura farming guy shows up
15
wakati kenyans proved to be nutcases
16
@onlyferns retweeted
A man only licks a plate when he knows he’s eating alone 💯💯
177
48
749
13,920
Jun 16
You're given KSh 100,000 but you must spend it on the dumbest possible thing.
What are you buying?
2
124
Jun 15
Some people don't need relationships. They need customer support.
1
3
77
Jun 14
The Kenyan economy is basically:
Battery Low.
Battery Low.
Battery Low.
Battery Low.
Salary received
Battery 100%.
Rent deducted
Battery Low.
71
Jun 14
5 Kenyan relationship red flags that need Ctrl Alt Del 🚨💻
A thread 🧵
"Niko kwa meeting."
At 9pm.
On a Saturday.
And the meeting sounds suspiciously like Mugithi in the background.
Your relationship is running malware.
Ctrl Alt Del.
They call you "babe" in private but save your number as:
"James Electricity"
"Spare Parts"
"Mary Wanjiku"
Congratulations.
You are not a partner.
You are a hidden system file.
Every argument ends with:
"Sawa."
That is not peace.
That is a pending software update.
The device may restart unexpectedly.
They post:
"Good morning beautiful people ❤️"
Meanwhile they haven't replied to your text since Tuesday.
You're not dating.
You're subscribed to their newsletter.
They say:
"I don't normally do this."
Then proceed to do exactly that.
Every week.
Every month.
Every year.
Your relationship has become a recurring calendar event.
BONUS:
If your partner says:
"My phone died."
In Nairobi.
In 2026.
With power banks, car chargers, office chargers, church chargers and friends with chargers.
You are being benchmark-tested for stupidity.
Thank you for attending my TED Talk.
Follow @CtrlAltDillit for more Nairobi tech support for human beings.
74
Jun 14
"And today i went shopping, and talk is still cheap...."
Lil Wayne
40
@onlyferns retweeted
Jun 12
We have gone to the same schools
We have gone to the same Universities
We have received the same education
And now We are in the same job market
But even so,
You expect me to have more money than you so that I can fund your lifestyle because im a man
Are you mad!?
176
1,639
8,091
92,837
Jun 11
WANTAM
That’s why i really wanna change my citizenship to this country, people are serious when it comes to protesting
1
76
@onlyferns retweeted
Jun 11
That's what patriotism means, I'm in solidarity. Viva.
That’s why i really wanna change my citizenship to this country, people are serious when it comes to protesting
1
5
4
94
@onlyferns retweeted
Jun 10
This systemic failure is bleeding Kenyans dry through bribes and delays. We need a clear directive now to protect motorists from harassment on the highway.
Kindly retweet to raise awareness. @ntsa_kenya @alexmwanzo @KRACare @PoliceKE @WillyAbuga #NTSAPlates Crisis (4/4)
5
70
206
33,785
Jun 10
Am glad cars were invented. Imagine flying a dragon at 2am coming from the club, like Merlin did.
1
35
Jun 10
I respect people who go jogging at 5am because if I’m outside at that time it means something has gone terribly wrong.
1
34