Unpopular Academic Advice #10: I started this series casually, but I have been really touched by how many students have reached out to say they found it useful. I have been busy giving talks and organizing conferences over the past couple of months, so I paused for a while. But at recent conferences, several students told me they had been reading the series and encouraged me to keep writing.
So, as many new PhD students are about to begin their programs, I want to say something about advisors.
It is very tempting to choose an advisor who seems easygoing and has low expectations. I understand why. Low expectations feel safe, especially when graduate school already feels intimidating.
But I would be careful about choosing comfort as the main criterion.
A good advisor should first be a decent human being. They should be willing to spend time on you, support you, and invest resources in your development. But they should also have high expectations. They should push you to think more carefully, write more clearly, and take your own ideas more seriously.
When I was a PhD student, my advisors were often very blunt and honest. They did not always try to frame feedback in a way that made me feel good. At the time, it was uncomfortable. But that discomfort made me take their advice seriously. It forced me to reflect on my weaknesses and improve.
You are not in graduate school simply to enjoy life. You are there to be trained. A key part of success and growth is the willingness to receive, reflect on, and act on constructive feedback.
Of course, high expectations should never be used to justify cruelty or abuse. But if an advisor is kind, invested, and demanding, don’t mistake discomfort for a red flag. Sometimes that is exactly where real training begins.