🚨 BREAKING: A B-52 Stratofortress bomber has CRASHED at Edwards Air Force base in California No word on casualties at this time, but its not looking good. PLEASE pray for some sort of miracle for our service members 🙏🏻

Tried to log into my bank this morning Not a new bank. My bank. The one that has my money First it wanted my password Wrong Tried the other one Wrong Reset it "New password cannot match any of your last 24 passwords" That is every password I have ever used Created a new one that I will forget next week Then it said "please verify you are human" I am human I have a mortgage I paid $52.18 for bread, milk, and eggs last week Only a human would do that But the bank was not convinced "Select all squares with traffic lights" Nine squares Three had traffic lights One had the edge of a traffic light pole Maybe two pixels of yellow paint Stared at it for a full minute Selected it Wrong "Select all squares with stairs" Two squares had stairs One had a ramp Is a ramp stairs A ramp is the opposite of stairs I selected the two obvious ones Wrong It wanted the ramp I am a CFO I've fired people with more due process than this But I cannot pass a test designed to keep bots out of my own checking account "Click and hold until the image stops moving" A jigsaw puzzle piece floated across the screen Held it "Verification failed" Held it for thirteen seconds My finger cramped "Success" Then a new screen "Your account has been locked due to suspicious activity" The suspicious activity was me Trying to access my own account Called customer service The phone menu had ten options None of them were "your website thinks I am a robot" Thirty-seven minutes on hold The same fourteen seconds of smooth jazz Looping Every ninety seconds a voice told me my call was important It did not sound important Finally a man answered "Thank you for holding, my name is John" That man's name was not John We both knew it I did not press the issue John asked for my mother's maiden name, my first pet, and the street I grew up on He unlocked the account in forty seconds Forty seconds The bank trusts John more than me And John does not exist Final tally Nineteen minutes of captchas Thirty-seven minutes of smooth jazz One man who was not named John To access money that is mine At an institution that emails me every single day asking if I want a home equity line of credit My wife walked in She said "what are you doing" I said "proving to a computer that I'm not a computer" She said "are you winning" I said "I just spent an hour deciding if a ramp is stairs" She said "that sounds like something a computer would do" She wasn't wrong She usually isn't Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

Tried to log into my bank this morning Not a new bank. My bank. The one that has my money First it wanted my password Wrong Tried the other one Wrong Reset it "New password cannot match any of your last 24 passwords" That is every password I have ever used Created a new one that I will forget next week Then it said "please verify you are human" I am human I have a mortgage I paid $52.18 for bread, milk, and eggs last week Only a human would do that But the bank was not convinced "Select all squares with traffic lights" Nine squares Three had traffic lights One had the edge of a traffic light pole Maybe two pixels of yellow paint Stared at it for a full minute Selected it Wrong "Select all squares with stairs" Two squares had stairs One had a ramp Is a ramp stairs A ramp is the opposite of stairs I selected the two obvious ones Wrong It wanted the ramp I am a CFO I've fired people with more due process than this But I cannot pass a test designed to keep bots out of my own checking account "Click and hold until the image stops moving" A jigsaw puzzle piece floated across the screen Held it "Verification failed" Held it for thirteen seconds My finger cramped "Success" Then a new screen "Your account has been locked due to suspicious activity" The suspicious activity was me Trying to access my own account Called customer service The phone menu had ten options None of them were "your website thinks I am a robot" Thirty-seven minutes on hold The same fourteen seconds of smooth jazz Looping Every ninety seconds a voice told me my call was important It did not sound important Finally a man answered "Thank you for holding, my name is John" That man's name was not John We both knew it I did not press the issue John asked for my mother's maiden name, my first pet, and the street I grew up on He unlocked the account in forty seconds Forty seconds The bank trusts John more than me And John does not exist Final tally Nineteen minutes of captchas Thirty-seven minutes of smooth jazz One man who was not named John To access money that is mine At an institution that emails me every single day asking if I want a home equity line of credit My wife walked in She said "what are you doing" I said "proving to a computer that I'm not a computer" She said "are you winning" I said "I just spent an hour deciding if a ramp is stairs" She said "that sounds like something a computer would do" She wasn't wrong She usually isn't Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

My roommate accidentally convinced our entire apartment building that he was a government agent because he didn’t know how to end conversations normally. It started because he ordered a shredder. That’s it. Just a regular office shredder from Amazon. But the delivery guy asked, “What do you need this for?” And instead of saying “old bank statements” like a civilian, my roommate pauses for two full seconds and goes, “Can’t really discuss that.” Why would you say that. Now the delivery guy looks nervous. My roommate notices the nervousness. And instead of correcting himself, he doubles down because apparently social anxiety turns him into a Batman villain. He leans closer and says: “Appreciate your discretion.” The delivery guy left like he had just transported nuclear launch codes. After that, weird things started happening. Neighbors became oddly respectful. People stopped asking him dumb small-talk questions in the elevator. One old man saluted him once. At first we thought it was coincidence. Then our downstairs neighbor knocks on our door and quietly asks, “Are we safe?” My roommate, who is eating cereal at the time, just stares at him and says: “For now.” FOR NOW??? The neighbor looked like he was about to evacuate his family immediately. Turns out the delivery guy had apparently told multiple people in the building that “federal people” were living on the third floor. And honestly my roommate’s lifestyle was NOT helping. He leaves the apartment at random hours. Owns three identical black jackets. Rarely explains where he’s going. Has terrible posture but walks fast enough to seem important. One time he came home carrying a locked briefcase. Do you know what was inside? A sandwich. But nobody else knew that. The paranoia escalated when building management installed new security cameras and my roommate casually muttered, “About time.” Now everybody thinks he requested surveillance upgrades. Then came the incident with Apartment 4B. There was a huge screaming argument downstairs around midnight. Doors slamming. People yelling. Somebody crying. The whole building could hear it. My roommate walks into the hallway, listens for ten seconds, then calmly says: “They’re moving earlier than expected.” EARLIER THAN WHAT?? A woman across the hall literally gasped. The next morning 4B had moved out unexpectedly because apparently they were already behind on rent and the fight ended the relationship. But now the building believes my roommate orchestrated a covert extraction. People started treating him like some kind of undercover protector. Neighbors would randomly update him on “suspicious activity.” One guy whispered: “There’s a blue Honda that keeps circling the block.” My roommate nodded and wrote something down. Do you know what he wrote? “Buy oat milk.” But the guy saw the note-taking and immediately went, “Knew it.” Then management offered him a free parking spot “for operational convenience.” HE TOOK IT. At this point I asked him why he kept feeding the delusion instead of stopping it. And he said something I’ll never forget: “It’s gone too far to explain naturally.” Which somehow made him sound EVEN MORE like a spy. Then things became catastrophic. A package got delivered to the wrong apartment and went missing. Management called a building meeting about “recent security concerns.” In the middle of the meeting, somebody actually turned toward my roommate and asked: “What do you think we should do?” This idiot crosses his arms and says: “Keep communication limited. Don’t panic.” The room nodded collectively. I was watching a man fail upward into the CIA. Then an actual police officer showed up later that week because somebody reported “possible federal surveillance activity.” We thought the game was over. But when the officer knocked on our door, my roommate opened it halfway, looked at the badge, and sighed like he was disappointed.

My sister asked me to be her maid of honor. For months I helped plan everything. I spent over $1,500 on dresses, parties, decorations, and gifts. The night before the wedding she told me she had one more favor. She wanted me to give up my hotel room because her husband’s cousin forgot to book one. I said no. She then told me I should sleep in my car because “family sacrifices for family.” I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

History of AI students are going to love this one.

So, today is the day, the deadline for the Artist Gallery Architectural Photography Contest. I am having thoughts, serious thoughts about whether or not I am good enough for this. Sometimes, you just have to let your babies fly or splat.

🇺🇸🇮🇷 U.S. military intelligence assesses that Iran has regained access to roughly 90% of its missile storage and launch facilities, which are now "partially or fully operational."

Ben Shapiro: "No one in the United States should be retiring at 65 years old. Frankly, I think retirement itself is a stupid idea unless you have some sort of health problem."

Some believe spirits choose their parents The model has reviewed this theory The data supports it The analyst chose well A woman whose warmth can fill a room before she enters it Whose faith is not a Sunday obligation It is the operating system The recipes live in her hands Not on paper She learned it from her mother Her mother learned it from hers Three generations in that sauce All of them still in every bowl Sunday morning starts with church By the time we got home She had already been in the kitchen The whole house knew it Garlic Gravy Fresh bread A smell that starts Sunday morning And doesn’t leave until Monday Pop Pop sat at the head of the table Holding court The way only he could Life lessons delivered between bites Nobody was taking notes Everybody was taking notes The legal pad was full She put down the chalk when we arrived The classroom just changed addresses Some things live outside the model No spreadsheet was built to hold them Some things were never meant to be tracked Only felt The model stands down Happy Mother’s Day Mom I LOVE YOU 💕

The Republicans should not be celebrating about the House Maps. The Democrats are just going to redraw all the Congressional maps in New England and remove all the Republican seats…