Christianity, masculinity, male/female dynamics. Author of THE WAY OF MEN WITH MAIDS, founder of the REFORGED MARRIAGE program. DM to get on email list.
Joined December 2019
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19 May 2025
Most Christians give young men a list of DON’Ts.
This book tells them what to DO. 🧵
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Men of the X platform: your moral judgement on women WILL NOT WORK. It's worse than useless.
Instead use POWER.
Generous, confident, charming masculine STRENGTH. Kryptonite for the ladies.
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On paperback/kindle/audible:
a.co/d/01zZhPKq
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From THE WAY OF MEN WITH MAIDS:
Both grown men and infants are mesmerized by a woman’s breasts. The hungry baby will look up at her, reaching out and sucking for dear life. He’ll cry if she doesn’t feed him. A grown man making love to his wife will give her breasts plenty of attention, but the energy is completely different. He’s looking down at her with approval and delight: affirming her femininity with his desire. She’s not “feeding” him with sex; rather, he’s giving her his seed to fertilize her to create life—a baby she will nurse with her breasts.
If the man acts like a craving infant, pouting if she doesn’t give him what he wants, then the woman will have almost a visceral response of disgust. The “ick.” Women see this as “creepy”, because you’re using her to fulfill your existential lack, not inviting her into a full life. A man who acts like a baby is a terrible lover.
But I wanna suck on mommy’s milkies 🥺🥺
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Women are wine-tasters, not wine-makers, when it comes to masculinity.
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I think I TECHNICALLY agree with Jeremy here...but the HR lady "consent" lingo gives me the man-ick.
A husband isn't a freaking rapist for trying to escalate a makeout session with his wife. But most of these guys could use stronger skills in sexual confidence and seduction.
Emily is right. Her trolls are wrong.
A penis is not a hand grenade or a stick of dynamite you have to be careful near.
Sex is predicated on consent. Making out is not consent for penetration. They’re not even remotely the same thing.
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Don't worry about someone else weaponizing your desires---weaponize them yourself!
I want every man out there equipped with weapons-grade desire.
Not when one's desires are weaponized.
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Too many women think talking fixes everything.
Actions > Words
This is so depressing. There are so many miserable marriages out there. You both have to communicate. Constantly. Always. Anger about sexual frustration doesn’t have a place in a happy partnership. Talk about it.
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“Giff, you don’t hold women accountable. Why don’t you complain about them with us?”
My brother in Christ, masculinity is not a matter of words, but of power. When you build relational strength, you can set and hold boundaries.
And she’ll love and respect you for it.
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Still thinking about this take.
So many dudes are clinging to nice guy moral negotiating with women, rather than leveraging masculine power.
Jun 10
The worst men are the ones who try to gain the moral highground over you. It’s both icky and impossible to take seriously. Moral highground is to woman what muscle mass and fighting is to man. She has it by default, it sucks but that’s the way it is.
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Jun 13
It’s not so much “oh you want sex all the time! You horny pig!”
Women love male horniness. They just despise male neediness.
They recoil when your sexual touch has “mommy feed me” energy.
Jun 12
Wives start to recoil from their husband's touch when the only reason he touches her is because he wants to fuck her, FYI.
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Turn your need down to zero, and your desire up to 11.
20 Aug 2025
Do Men Need Sex?
Pursuing Our Sexual Destiny
“You guys don’t need sex—you’re not gonna starve without it!” This take from women online always sparks a firestorm from frustrated men. We feel gaslit about real problems. We feel shamed for having a healthy libido. Many double down, “We absolutely need it!” Don’t take the bait—It’s a trap.
It’s an understandable trap, because sexual longing is excruciating. Growing up, I didn’t want to die before having sex. When I had all of that drive and desire torturing me, the thought of never getting fulfillment felt like Hell. Fast forward fifteen years, after quitting porn as a married man, I was forced to feel the pain of my lackluster bedroom. I felt rage and resentment towards my frigid wife: “so much pleasure could be ours, and what—she isn’t in the ‘mood’?” Sure we had sex occasionally, but it wasn’t the heart-pumping ecstasy I wanted. The marriage I longed for depended on this: why couldn’t she just fulfill my needs?
One day while I was venting about all this, my coach @MarkQueppet said the words that baptized me into manhood:
“The world owes you nothing.”
I was furious. I didn’t buy the idea that we don’t owe each other things in marriage. There was this thing I wanted more than anything in the world, where this was the only morally acceptable outlet, without which life feels almost unbearable, and the only thing standing between me and fulfillment was her. I must have married the wrong woman—now I was trapped in this prison of a life.
I couldn’t see it at the time, but my sexual posture guaranteed failure. I saw getting the kind of sex I wanted as a need for me to be OK. Since I couldn’t get this need met elsewhere, that meant it was her duty to meet it. That framing put the ball in her court. She held all the cards. I saw myself as a victim and all I could do was sulk.
It’s hard to imagine a posture less sexy to a woman. Female sexuality is designed to respond to generous male confidence and power. A man of abundance, keyed in to his adventure, inviting her to join him—that’s the frame a woman’s libido finds difficult to resist. His strength makes her feel strong, strong enough to receive all his passion (quite literally filling her.) But my needy posture reversed masculine/feminine polarity. I was leaning on her, craving fulfillment from her like an infant hungry for the breast. She might even pity me, but maternal feelings don’t lead to great sex. She wasn’t intentionally withholding what I wanted—God himself had designed her sexuality to be repulsed by the man I was presenting to her.
I resisted. Sacrificing my sense of “need” felt like giving up the possibility of my desires’ fulfillment. To the truism, “If you don’t need it, you're more likely to get it,” my passionate soul screamed, “But getting it, if it doesn't mean anything to me, isn't getting it!” I couldn’t imagine letting go without betraying the deepest parts of myself.
Then came the revelation. In a moment dangerously close to relapse, I watched an old sex scene—covering everything explicit and focusing only on the faces. The man was calm, confident, and almost playful. The woman surrendered freely. And it struck me: if he had radiated the “I need this to be OK” energy I carried, like a creepy Gollum obsessed with his “Precious,” she would’ve recoiled. The sexual paradise I thought would fix me was an illusion—an idol. Those in true ecstasy have already brought their own fullness with them; those who chase ecstasy AS fulfillment are forever grasping at a phantom.
“The world owes you nothing, but you can pursue your desires with all your heart.”
My whole posture towards sexuality changed and I became a new man. I sacrificed my sexual need, and received sexual power in its place. Without the existential dread of missing out, without desperately trying to fill a gap in myself and in my marriage, I could simply go for what I wanted without fear. And it worked! Initially she was cautious, uncertain if I was for real, but today she relaxes into me, body and soul.
This didn’t happen all at once, and I still slip into the old mindset where I crave sexual comfort. But I see it as the trap that it is—a satanic lie that will deprive me of both the fulfillment I want and the sex I want by conflating the two. So if I’m feeling mopey and my wife offers sex, I say, “I’ll be with you in a moment, sweetheart” and first get my heart right before God. Not least because the lackluster sex that “needy me” engages in is a mockery of the sexual destiny that our marriage deserves.
That’s the problem with seeing any of the great joys of life as “needs.” You put the cart before the horse. You get possessive (feeling like you have to get the thing to be OK) rather than expressive (bringing the thing to fulfillment from the power at work within you). I don’t see the feeling of having great sex as my ultimate longing; rather, I want to enjoy being the man who is likely to make great sex. That puts the initiative back in my hands.
“I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and want. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
A sexless marriage is a sacrilege. You are right to long for better and work for better with every fiber of your being. You’re right to want her buy-in and support. And of course a great sex life has benefits on all fronts and strengthens a marriage. So I understand the pushback when women say “you don’t need sex.” It sounds like they are making excuses for a low-sex marriage and trivializing your longing.
But “need” is too brittle of a category for the male sex drive (plus, its female-coded pop psychology lingo—a bunch of dudes talking about their “needs not being met” is cringe.) The guys at SpaceX don’t talk about meeting their “going to Mars needs.” Rather, they have a burning desire for the adventure of taking humanity to Mars and they pursue it with all their power. They don’t mope about how life is empty because they aren’t on Mars; they glory in every win and learn from every setback—all the while making themselves more and more likely to fulfill that destiny. And even if they fail, what a ride!
Sexual abundance isn’t your “need”—it’s your destiny.
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Giff Lasta retweeted
I really enjoyed this article.
As much as the word "Patriarchy" has become synonymous with oppression, modeling good masculine behavior, rather than entitledness and aggression, would be great for both genders.
Men regain positive influence and women stop fearing evil men.
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Giff Lasta retweeted
Jun 9
HOW A DEAD BEDROOM REVIVED IN SEVEN DAYS
I’ve never seen a guy go from dead bedroom despair to living the sexual dream this quickly. But Mitch’s story sets a new record.
A couple of months ago, I had my first conversation with him. They hadn’t had sex in months. Nothing he did was ever good enough. One time he replaced the roof of his entire house, and all she did was find one thing he could have done better.
I didn’t think it sounded hopeless, but Mitch held out no possibility for better sex. He just wanted to take the Reforged Marriage course to improve his life while staying for the kids. So he joined the Spring cohort.
The pivotal week started with a predictable pattern. His wife had been nagging him to replace a sink drain. On Saturday, he bought the part, came home, and then saw he’d gotten the wrong color. He moved forward with the install hoping she wouldn’t notice.
She noticed, “Why can’t you ever do anything right?”
In the coursework, we emphasize having higher standards for yourself than your wife does for you. Crucially, that does NOT mean doing exactly what she wants—they have to be YOUR standards, not hers. But initiative is how you break free from nagging.
And so on Sunday, instead of waiting for her to hassle him a few more times about getting the right drain part (his modus operandi), Mitch just did it.
He started taking initiative in other ways as well.
The next day, she sarcastically commented that she’d probably have to plan out her own birthday later that week. He said “actually I’ve got a full plan already—you had said you wanted to plan it, but you don’t have to.” She paused. She had forgotten her earlier decision to plan it, but now liked the idea of letting him lead.
In the course, we warn guys that taking initiative will disrupt the status quo. They need to expect her to push back, and be ready to cheerfully and confidently hold frame.
One of the field exercises was to engage in a house project that wasn’t a “honey do” project. So on Tuesday, Mitch moved his home office to a new room, because he liked the window better. When his wife saw him switching things up, she dismissively said, “I can’t even deal with this,” and left the room. Mitch simply carried on.
On Wednesday, there was an argument about a trip to Boston for work. He wanted her to join him, she didn’t want to go. After offering to take her on a ferry to Martha’s Vineyard (a place she’d always wanted to visit), she accused him of strong-arming her.
Unlike so many arguments before, Mitch stayed calm. He said, “Looks like I won’t convince you that I’m just excited to have you with me, and that I really want to see your face when we walk by the ocean together. We can talk about this later.” He left it at that.
Then came Thursday. His wife had tried to get a refund for a bad garden hose, and the store attendant had given her a hard time about it. When he found out, he reached out, and gave her a hug.
She collapsed into his arms.
He just stood there, and she wouldn’t let him go. He made a joke about it, and she still clung to him. Just a few days of showing some spine, and she felt like she could let go of the burden of holding everything together. She hadn’t hugged him like that in years.
On Friday, she criticized his decision about a lawn care service. He stayed unbothered, and everything was fine. That evening, they played Settlers of Catan with the kids. She asked him what color he wanted to be. He started to say “it doesn’t matter,” and then caught himself being indecisive and putting the decision on her. “Blue,” he confidently said.
Then came Saturday. The birthday plans involved dropping the kids off at her parents’ house while they played tennis, and then finally having dinner with her family. But she felt tired and went up for a nap. Rather than asking her (like he would have before), Mitch just made the call and dropped off the kids at Grandma’s anyway. He came home and she told him she couldn’t sleep. He replied, “well, I could use a nap.” His wife cuddled up next to him (as she hadn’t in a good while) and they both slept.
Mitch woke up. He wanted sex. In the past he’d carefully rub her back and test the waters to be absolutely sure she was up for it before being overtly sexual. But in the course we teach guys to be decisive, while also embracing rejection. So he prepared himself. “This week has been great. If nothing else happens, I’m already OK.” And then he turned her over, gave her a big sexy kiss, pulled back while she wanted more, and said, “let’s grab a drink before we meet them all for dinner.”
“Or we could just take a shower,” she replied.
And so they had sex, for the first time in months. On the way to her parents’, she talked about making his home office nicer—the same office she had been annoyed about. She gushed about having such a capable husband. “My friend was bragging about her man, how all she has to do is make him a list. But you don’t even need that—you just do things!”
It had been only a week. It felt like a lifetime.
As the course continued, Mitch reached even greater heights. He started taking the lead in the bedroom the same way he had outside—telling her what to do, moving her into position, which paradoxically made her feel freer to express what she wanted. “That’s the most fun I’ve ever had during sex,” she said, beaming at him.
As I said, I’ve never seen a woman jump on a man’s changes so quickly. Most wives take longer. But the journey often has this same shape: from rolling her eyes in contempt for him, to her eyes rolling back in her head as he takes her.
I get a lot of flak for my optimism. Guys scoff, “Giff thinks women have no agency—that a man turning himself around will magically transform any shrew into a feminine delight.”
I’ll admit that there are some marriages beyond saving. But Mitch thought HIS marriage was beyond saving—and love and sex came back in a week!
So to the skeptical husbands out there, I offer you a Pascal’s Wager:
What do you have to lose by giving this a serious try?
And what do you have to lose by staying in despair?
I can’t guarantee outcomes. But I can guarantee you’ll like the man you’ll become. And the odds are STRONGLY in your favor that she will too.
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Giff Lasta retweeted
Jun 11
Everything this video says is TRUE™️
BUT, it uses feminine/therapeutic language that's WORSE THAN USELESS for most men.
Let me translate:
Therapy Speak: "When emotional connection breaks down, the nervous system starts treating intimacy as a threat. Not a choice. A body response."
Man Speak: "When you're a little bitch, her sexual firmware dries up, because it doesn't want to have weak babies with only a little bitch to protect her."
Therapy Speak: "The is called a protest behavior. She's reaching, the only way her nervous system will let her."
Man Speak: "Her mind doesn't WANT to reject you. But her body sees sex with a little bitch as a visceral threat."
Therapy Speak: "The research is clear. Women's desire for physical intimacy is directly tied to felt emotional safety. This isn't manipulation. It's biology."
Man Speak: "Her body's ability to want you is directly tied to how much it feels you showing up as the fucking man. Her mind has zero control of this."
Therapy Speak: "She's not keeping score. She's trying to stay."
Man Speak: "She's actually rooting for you. She just doesn't know how to teach you how to be a man, because she's never had to become one herself."
x.com/claritywithcl/status/2…
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Jun 12
You can’t distinguish 1 and 2 without first attending to 3.
Good soil and bad soil look the same if it never rains.
Jun 12
Agreed. If a woman isn't doing what she should, there are three possible responses:
1. It's bad and it's her fault
2. It's bad but it's not her fault
3. Who cares, worry about yourself
The first two pursue truth, but apparently only the last (Giff's approach) is useful.
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