“Narcissistic anxiety and apprehension of the ‘as-if’ person is covered by developing an idealised
#persona to hide the fissures underneath, lying like a silent but deadly fault in the very ground of the personality. When self-esteem easily plummets, inadequacy and failure take over, and the ‘as-if’ person is fearful of the imperfect and needs to cover the shamed and vulnerable. This person is so intolerable to themself and so fragile they can hardly reveal themself in therapy, worried about being seen and falling apart and then perceived as helpless.
This is all perplexing when the person appears verbal and pleasant, enchanting and highly functioning, basking in the limelight. What is unnerving is the yet to be discovered layers behind the veils, mirrors and empty cheer. Like today’s diagnosed
#narcissist, in the myth Narcissus sees an idealised likeness, one without warts and blemishes. Narcissus’s self-identity is inflated, unrealistic, incomplete and in denial of the
#shadow. The modern narcissist in the ‘as-if’ person wants to keep it this way.
Given so much popular hype around the impossibility of
#narcissism, we run the risk of obscuring the urge for transformation embedded in this personality type. Primary narcissism, as originally described by Sigmund
#Freud, is constitutive of the human condition and the egoism within it is also an instinct for self-preservation. As subjects we are also objects to other subjects and thereby connected to each other. Self-consciousness is the
#consciousness of the other’s consciousness of oneself. And this tension between self and other, between the moments of union between the self and the other is also the moment of difference when one is
#conscious of otherness.
However, Narcissus gives in to loving only that which represents himself, and he is lost in his self-absorption. The ‘as-if’ person narcissistically struggles, suffering a lack of being real. It is as if the
#soul is lost, compromised, stalked by isolative and defensive thoughts and feelings. Such people have difficulty being alone even though they are wrapped in singularity. ‘In the erosion of their identity by themselves, the narcissist is faced with their own emptiness, inflexible defensive system, unable to let go and enjoy’ (Hirigoyen, 2000, p. 130). The internal undermining narrative is critical and loaded with envy; they covet what others are assumed to have, whether they do or not. Inferiority lies at the base of it all, orchestrated by a darkened and limited vision of the self.
The ‘as-if’ person feels
#anxiety and apprehension about life because of early narcissistic injuries – feeling slighted, ignored or treated without respect or empathy. As adults, this protective closing off and withdrawal response quickly arises in the face of even minor slights. ‘It often may take the form of a ruminatory retreat to a mental state of sado-masochistic self-flagellation, or to an equally ruminatory preoccupation with feelings of grudge and fantasies of revenge and triumph’ (Mollon, 1993, p. 66). This reflects the complex yet driven task of finding one’s truly original voice.
The melancholia of these people reveals a ‘marked “narcissistic intolerance”, a tendency to react strongly and depressively to relatively minor disappointments and insults, and also an inordinate need for “narcissistic supplies” of love and approval’ (Mollon, 1993, p. 66). That is why Freud (1917, p. 254) defined melancholic loss as ‘an object-loss which is withdrawn from consciousness’ or an ‘unknown loss’. Melancholic, without knowing what he is mourning for, he not only loses the capacity to love but also loses all his interest in the external world’ (Tuzun, 2002, p. 89).
Narcissus’s self-identity is unrealistic, incomplete and in denial of the shadow. To understand the underbelly of narcissism is not easy. There is a ‘complex web of fear and avoidance of hurt mixed with grandeur, the
#narcissistic issues of esteem, idealization of the other and merger prompted by shame in the self’ (Homans, 1981, p. 84). Lacking real autonomy and self-cohesion, narcissism indicates a detoured search for self. The problem is in the singularity of being, the fear of intimacy, the inability to be known or real, the sneaking behaviours that hide the real self from others and mask basic, raw desires and needs.
The image portrayed to the world is meant to impress with daring, risk taking, boldness. This person appears confident while the foundational layers of the self are precarious. No one is to guess this or know the difficulty the ‘as-if’ person experiences to be present and seen. After all, this narcissistic part of the personality has to be a proficient performer, a star, driven and running on seemingly indomitable energy.”
~Susan E. Schwartz, Ph.D., Jungian psychoanalyst, “The Vagaries of Narcissism,” An Analytical Exploration of Love and Narcissism: The Tragedy of Isolation and Intimacy, Ch. 2
🗣️: Watch my interview with Dr. Schwartz about this book in Ep. 157 of Speaking of Jung: Interviews with Jungian Analysts.
📸: Narcissus, Pompeii: The House of Marco Lucrecio Fronto