If making grilled cheese was an Olympic sport, I'd win the Gold medal.
Joined March 2014
- Tweets 1,099
- Following 379
- Followers 243
- Likes 1,766
66 Photos and videos
15 Nov 2024
My drivers license expiring simply bc im turning 30 is the biggest inconvenience, somehow I got behind the sweet grandma who got her CDL to drive a bus, "for the kids" and it's taken over an hour to get her shit straightened out. Send help.
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Mallory King retweeted
15 Nov 2024
Nobody:
Midwest dads answering the phone:
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12 Aug 2024
My flag is not green or red..
It's white.
I give up. 🏳️
leave me alone
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Mallory King retweeted
28 May 2024
If you ask a Midwesterner “how’s it going” the day after Memorial Day weekend and they reply with “another day in paradise” or “living the dream” that roughly translates to push me off the grain elevator
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2 Apr 2024
Fr Tho. Hailey Van Lith you good girl? Kinda broke my heart watching her last night. She looked so out of place. At first I thought it was because she was given an impossible defensive task, but the O was not there either. She looked genuinely unhappy. Full 360 from last year. 😔
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Mallory King retweeted
2 Apr 2024
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12 Feb 2024
BACK-TO-BACK LIKE IT'S A TRADITION‼️
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27 Jan 2024
“you look tired” bro i am
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27 Jan 2024
harsh realizations.
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24 Aug 2023
I'm so so proud of you.
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2 Aug 2023
you deserve someone who thinks you’re too important to lose.
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3 Aug 2023
Know the difference.
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