Dadaist graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire for your doomscrolling by @DashMacIntyre. I don't report the facts, I improve them.
Joined June 2017
- Tweets 21,976
- Following 42,967
- Followers 120,553
- Likes 51,164
66 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
May 16
BREAKING: A reporter just asked Mike Johnson for the first time at a press conference, “Why should we even ask you any questions today when you never read or hear about anything anyway?”
517
6,391
50,405
1,116,378
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly not talking to JD Vance anymore after the New York Times published the bombshell story reporting how Vance held multiple secret meetings behind his back to advocate for releasing allegations in the Epstein Files that incriminated him.
25
297
1,726
19,377
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly fell asleep today during his daily "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" cognitive test in between "man" and "camera."
46
41
275
8,181
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious with JD Vance for leaking to the New York Times about all the top secret Epstein Files meetings, and Trump is accusing Vance of plotting to force him out of the presidency.
158
842
4,156
57,359
Jun 12
BREAKING: Donald Trump’s cabinet members are increasingly unsure how long they should go on complimenting his leadership and genius during cabinet meetings when he’s visibly sleeping.
29
78
424
6,156
Jun 12
BREAKING: Elon Musk just made history as the first person in Jeffrey Epstein's "do-not-invite list" to become a trillionaire.
4
21
134
2,664
Jun 12
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly keeps waking up in the Oval Office from his hourly naps yelling, "I did it! The Iranians signed my peace deal! I'm a genius!" before realizing he had only been dreaming.
56
59
479
14,656
Jun 12
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly beginning to suspect Jared Kushner is not a competent back room negotiator for Middle Eastern peace.
173
51
607
30,397
Jun 12
BREAKING: Undercover agents of the secretive feminist mafia who call themselves "The Clitorati" say their sex sting operations of MAGA influencers have uncovered "a strong correlation between men who make their money cheerleading for Donald Trump and micropenises."
5
35
1,014
Jun 11
BREAKING: Top White House officials are reportedly concerned that Donald Trump keeps announcing nonexistent deals with Iran because he falls asleep every 20 minutes and can no longer discern reality from his dreams.
254
1,050
5,655
95,537
Jun 11
BREAKING: Todd Blanche is reportedly hoping Republicans don’t ask him in his AG confirmation hearings about the White House meetings he led on how to intentionally mislead and lie to America about the Epstein Files, and cover up Trump’s participation in the raping.
1
16
56
1,385
Jun 11
BREAKING: Albanian regulators say Jared and Ivanka's island resort having 10,000 rooms and villas is "ludicrously uneconomical" and "classic Trumpian hubris that will go bankrupt immediately unless its real purpose is facilitating offshore money-laundering for the Epstein class."
9
234
749
5,772
Jun 11
BREAKING: Stephen Miller reportedly has mixed feelings about the birth of his 4th child because, while he's happy to have another kid, he's a little worried that his wife is slimming down again and becoming a smaller human shield for him.
15
30
196
5,453
Jun 11
BREAKING: The soldiers preparing to deploy to Kharg Island are reportedly distributing homemade uniform patches that say "Epstein Corps" and "In pedophiles we trust" because Trump's invasion is a distraction from new reporting that his staffers covered up his Epstein complicity.
31
361
1,486
18,601
Jun 11
BREAKING: The Knicks came back from a 29-point deficit because it took about three quarters of the game for Donald Trump’s body odor to dissipate from his attendance at Monday’s game and no longer distract the Knicks players.
7
33
173
2,843
Jun 11
BREAKING: An online petition asking the governments of Saudi Arabia, UAE, and Qatar to withdraw all the money they've given to Jared Kushner's investment fund (that he sank into their stalled Albanian island resort) so he and Ivanka go bankrupt just hit 50 million signatures.
103
2,314
8,952
81,572
Jun 10
BREAKING: Health officials are rushing to conduct tests for lead contamination and other toxic chemical leaks throughout South Carolina after the state just incomprehensibly renominated Lindsey Graham for the Senate.
1
47
145
2,452
Jun 10
BREAKING: The White House is now putting remotely controlled vibrators underneath every chair Donald Trump sits in so they can wake him up during meetings and press conferences.
94
80
497
18,502
Jun 10
BREAKING: Mike Johnson just started his "3-day delay timer" that will alert the media on Saturday afternoon when he'll finally have listened to Donald Trump's "I love the inflation" comment from today's press conference, and he'll finally have a reaction to give reporters.
1
23
102
2,333