ICON/FREAK
Joined October 2025
- Tweets 1,132
- Following 349
- Followers 2,398
- Likes 97,995
193 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Mar 25
Sweat beading on my brow, nonchalance evaporating as I plead the increasingly desperate case for making love with the lights off; the baby Yoda I got tattooed on my thigh circa 2019 burns like the mark of Cain.
Mar 25
Ethan I don’t know if you can hear this, but thank you for talking me out of a guardians of the Galaxy tattoo in 2014
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The woman at the pharmacy said "take care of yourself" and I nodded solemnly as though entrusted with a sacred duty. Unfortunately the first thing I did upon leaving was purchase an alcoholic beverage described on the can as "nuclear citrus."
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Jun 13
She was mid-moan when I noticed the tiny hammer and sickle tramp stamp from her "revolutionary years." I silently apologized to my late Latvian grandparents, stared at the ceiling and finished anyway. Some ghosts you just learn to live with.
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Jun 12
I hear my coworker yelling on a work call, furious squeaking from his cubicle tells me he's chimp-gripping that stress ball again. Scoffing, I turn to our receptionist: "Imagine buying a stress toy. Nigga, your balls are right there!" I go for a high-five and she visibly recoils.
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Jun 11
She says she likes strong, silent types, then texts me twenty times complaining about the weather. Like damn, bitch, so do I!
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Jun 10
I appreciate the quiet of the woods and the trilling of birdsong as I hike the trail, miles from the city. I ponder how nice the solitude is as I pick a spot to camp. Yet no sooner is the tent pitched, do I open the zipper to find a black youth already brandishing a knife inside.
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Jun 9
Whenever my boss calls me a “team player” I know he means like the gimped-out retard who gets sacrificed in the woods so the rest of the village can have a good harvest.
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Jun 8
Just faked an orgasm so I could check if my tweet was doing okay.
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Jun 7
Every time I cook for a girl I make sure to burn something slightly so she doesn’t get any ideas about a future.
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Jun 5
I keep saying “we should do this again sometime” knowing the only repeat performances I’m capable of are my after-work wank, before-bed wank, and wake-up wank.
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Jun 4
Every time I see a trans woman on the street I whisper “nice try” under my breath.
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Jun 4
Started OnlyFans but it’s just me in the garage at 2am with my balls out, playing Dark Souls on low volume as to not wake the wife. “This one’s for the real ones,” I whisper before each parry. Watch out Sophie Rain, here I cum.
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Jun 2
I keep a gun in the nightstand not for protection, but so that if I ever wake up next to someone I actually like, I’ve got options before the illusion shatters over breakfast.
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Jun 1
The local bank has just hung a pride flag in the window but they still won’t approve my loan for a used John Deere tractor because of a “concerning credit history.” Apparently inclusion has its limits, and those limits are a 580 credit score.
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Jun 1
She lays spread eagle before me as I wipe the grime onto my coveralls. I take great care in lifting back the clitoral hood to check this baby’s mileage. A lit Parliament Blue hanging from my lower lip, I roll my sleeves up to my elbow. This one is gonna need a full rebuild.
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HowlingKanye retweeted
May 31
Doctor covered in poop:
“HES LOSING A LOT OF POOP”
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May 30
Bought a candle because I’m trying to cultivate an atmosphere dates would describe as “safe” instead of “evidence locker”
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May 29
Watched my neighbor’s wife sunbathing again. Jerked off so hard I pulled a groin muscle. Now I limp to the mailbox like a war vet while she waves at me. She knows. They always know.
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May 29
I like loudly ordering black coffee in front of other customers because it creates the illusion that somewhere deep inside me there is structure and discipline
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May 28
My boss asked why I zone out during meetings. I THOUGHT we were buddies so I told him plainly, I was visualizing the precise sequence of events that would let me legally own the women in the office. HR now has me on a “wellness plan.” Like that’s not what I was TRYING TO DO.
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May 27
Lotta discourse on here about women secretly yearning for old-school masculinity, then you people do everything in your power to punish it in practice. I held prolonged eye contact with a woman on the subway as I told her “your son would respect me” and she changed train cars.
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