Writing in @NewYorker, @slate, @mcsweeneys, @SlackjawHumor, @PointsinCase, and on the Semantic Chicken Substack
Joined March 2018
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- Followers 76
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Pinned Tweet
7 Sep 2023
In my latest essay for Slate, a sleep tracking ring gaslights me
The only thing worse than sleeping terribly is sleeping terribly and being assured that you actually slept quite well. slate.trib.al/mwp4PM9
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13 Dec 2023
If you have experienced how hard it is to find the actual recipe on a recipe blog, my most recent New Yorker piece is for you
26 Nov 2023
A guide to saving someone from choking, written by an expert blogger. nyer.cm/9pNpoxq
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22 Jun 2023
Forget fishing - I bonded with my father-in-law at the Proud Boys trial. And then I wrote about it for Slate. slate.com/comments/human-int…
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11 Apr 2023
My latest essay in @Slate is for anyone who, like me, has googled things like "why is my baby fussy" or "how to soothe fussy baby." Thanks @rebeccaonion for the opportunity and the edits!
“Fussy” is an odd way to describe babies. Because they’re, well, babies. slate.trib.al/2rTpAPO
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4 Apr 2023
"Prime your child for a career in data analytics with number blocks, measuring cups, and graphs depicting their impact on your sleep quality and relationship satisfaction."
My new humor piece (with @EugeniaViti) for new parents is live in The New Yorker.
3 Apr 2023
Try decorating your nursery with smiling jellyfish, dolphins, and turtles, so you’ll be the only one in the room who’s concerned about drowning. nyer.cm/poHWrwY
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28 Mar 2023
If you wear camo in a non-forest setting, should it really be called camo?
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24 Mar 2023
Censored versions of songs would be much better if they replaced each explicit word with the name of a vegetable
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6 Mar 2023
Everything I know about breathwork I learned from Darth Vader
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5 Mar 2023
My latest for @Slate is live! Thanks to @IsabelleKohn_ for the opportunity and the wise edits
There's nothing that 24 hours alone in the woods can't cure, right? ... Right?! slate.trib.al/MLWjbhP
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2 Mar 2023
Were the Impressionists artistic visionaries? Their paintings suggest they were just nearsighted
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22 Feb 2023
Pigeons could really improve their public perception by rebranding as "urban doves"
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17 Feb 2023
Saw an article on a Philly news site called "39 cheesesteaks to eat before you die." Pretty sure that many cheesesteaks over any time period is a lethal dose - why not call it "39 cheesesteaks to eat, then die from"?
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16 Feb 2023
When two starfish embrace, is it considered a hug or a high five?
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10 Feb 2023
It's not that I love skinny jeans - I just want jeans that look regular on my skinny legs
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15 Jan 2023
Excited to share my first essay in @Slate about the unusual way my partner and I determined our baby's last name. Many thanks to @rebeccaonion for the opportunity and her keen editorial guidance!
We decided hybrid last names were like dogs—we’d rather admire other people’s than have one ourselves. slate.trib.al/TfrG55X
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13 Jan 2023
God and the internet have quite a bit in common in my latest piece for @SlackjawHumor:
medium.com/slackjaw/quiz-god…
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21 Sep 2022
I got a piece of junk mail addressed to “Current Resident or Current Resident.” I guess it was for me after all
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27 Jun 2022
“Good blood, fast service.” I am the restaurant being reviewed in my latest for @PointsinCase. Do I have what it takes to earn five stars?
pointsincase.com/articles/mo…
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18 Dec 2021
For those who are as haunted as I am by the similarities between babies and burritos, read my latest in @SlackjawHumor
18 Dec 2021
Antithetical to a good night of sleep.
(by @IBardenstein)
medium.com/slackjaw/baby-or-…
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