Marine - Bounty Hunter
Joined April 2009
- Tweets 86,861
- Following 5,537
- Followers 21,310
- Likes 108,336
129 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
28 Jun 2014
I love people that get offended on Twitter. They sort of make it all worth it.
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Mar 28
People who survive on sarcasm because of their low tolerance for stupidity are my kind of people.
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Jun 12
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that most people are disappointing pieces of shit.
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Jun 13
Live, laugh, eat those mashed potatoes in bed.
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The strongest connections are the ones you can’t logically explain
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Love is the only frequency proven to rewire your brain and recognize your reality. Maybe try that.
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May 28
I rarely temp my meat when cooking. If you die you die.
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You named your baby "Carol?" Have you bought her bowling shoes yet?
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May 29
What do followers with protected accounts want from me?
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May 23
The Grotto, Portland Oregon.
The only beautiful thing about Portland.
Just passing through.
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May 23
Blocking you would imply that I’ve noticed you, and I wouldn’t wanna give you wrong impression.
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May 14
It's cute your child is 31 months old.
I'm 735 months old.
Not so cute.
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19 Dec 2018
Every towel in my house has been a cum towel.
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May 6
When one door closes, another door opens — sometimes because of wind-related magic, but it’s usually just a skittish little Victorian ghost-child.
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May 7
This Golden Corral could use a Hospice.
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YES, I am a real doctor
NO, I will not look at your penis
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Apr 23
My worst nightmare is opening my shower curtain and seeing a guy standing there with a gun.
Because I would shoot him first and that would really mess up my bathroom.
Not to mention the paperwork.
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Apr 18
I love the kind of smile that takes forever to go away.
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