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Pinned Tweet
It’s sexy as fuck when they pay attention to the small details.
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Jen retweeted
23 Oct 2024
Her: I like the way it wiggles in your grey sweatpants
Me: * pulling a sock I filled with chicken nuggets out * Thanks, they stay warm longer this way
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Jen retweeted
I might be unattractive and undatable but my garage karate skills are unmatched
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Jen retweeted
people being careless with the most meaningful things, ugh
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30 Jun 2024
Google earthed my address and it shows me sliding across the hood of my Trans Am
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RT @kelter1: $2000 for a World Cup soccer ticket? For that kind of money I could paint my entire house and watch it dry instead.
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If you're not following me whatcha doin with ur damn life
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I've decided to take things more personally than ever
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You brag about owning nice stuff.
I brag about owning my insanity.
We're not the same.
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Jen retweeted
7 Jan 2022
You can tell a lot about a person by how they describe you in a police report.
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Apparently my Garfield pjs aren't classy enough for my hubby.
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I always rev up my weed wacker like I’m Leatherface in Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Happy Flag Day…maybe today you can finally see those red ones, fuckos
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I too rioted* after the Knicks won yesterday.
*Dropped a Reese’s wrapper in front of my neighbor’s house
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Friend: "did you see the news today?"
Me: "nah i'm anxious and angry enough without knowing that shit"
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The rest of this tweet is for men, and men only:
Fellas, it’s slutty short season so get those gams out.
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Jen retweeted
Full of oysters and beer, who’s ready for 56 seconds of bliss
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Going to Fresh Market for some grub and I’ll pass like 10 Publix on the way.
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Twitter is my favorite platform to learn about high temperatures in summer and low temperatures in winter.
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RT @DaddyJew: if eyes are the window to the soul then sunglasses are the blackout curtains
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