Yes, my friend. Standup. Host of the 3:51am pod. Reluctant lawyer.
Joined January 2018
- Tweets 8,388
- Following 1,650
- Followers 987
- Likes 20,682
499 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
3 Oct 2021
A candy necklace but you’re 49 and it’s Tums.
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Mar 9
Subtitles are the best when YOUR SPOUSE IS LOUDLY SNACKING CAN WE TURN THE SUBTITLES UP?!?!? What do you mean ? I MEAN THEY ARENT LOUD ENOUGH!! ISNT THAT CRAZY? THAT I WANT THE SUBTITLES TURNED UP HAHA CRAZY!
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Mar 7
The way life is going, I don’t mind losing an hour. Hell, go ahead and take a couple years while you’re at it.
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Feb 26
Twitter: Y’all didn’t tell me this Harris Teeter grocery store bar was LIT!!
The Bar:
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Feb 22
“For real though bruh like what happened to the milk man?” — My 18 year old daughter, whom I love
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Feb 21
Jesus gathered his disciples and said “Make apps for me, and market them most heavily during lent”.
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LaytesAgain retweeted
Feb 20
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LaytesAgain retweeted
Feb 19
Husband: can I vent about my mom
Me, pours drink, eyes tear up: I thought you’d never ask
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Feb 19
I’ve been thinking about the definition of insanity for years.
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Feb 18
If this is the last social media app you check and not the first, please unfollow thank you.
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Feb 14
If my toenails get any longer I’m gonna try out for America’s Got Talons.
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Feb 7
My college kid’s love language is
“Can you text me the Amazon code?”
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Feb 5
There’s nothing like an iPhone update to make you instantly feel 10 years older.
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Feb 5
Hitting the vape pen right when the sleep meds kick in is just special.
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LaytesAgain retweeted
Feb 5
Feel like my entire life has been spent in-between belt loops.
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