“wait a second… Heat rises” (it hits me) “heat rises!” Bank teller on floor: what? “Heat rises!” (I rush at the armed robber and he shoots me in the face killing me instantly. It’s unclear what my plan was)

RT @hissgoescobra: To Hegseth and the MAGAs who have persistently denigrated female service members, this woman’s calm professionalism afte…

this was the most interesting narrative about Trump in his first term

Me when my teammate misses the merciless storm skill check

I am settling in for a showing of ‘Melania’ and the theater is PACKED! Earlier, a bystander asked if I was heading in to see Avatar, and I stopped dead in my tracks. “Avatar? No, son,” I curtly replied. “I don’t watch woke movies. I’m here to see the groundbreaking documentary about our incredibly talented First Lady.” The man’s two little girls began jumping up and down, pulling on his sleeve, and begging, “Daddy, we want to see Melania!” “But. But…” he stammered, “I thought you girls wanted to see Zootopia 2?” “No, no, NO,” they said, now nearly shouting. “We want to see Melania!! She is the most beautiful First Lady EVER.” Their father was scrambling, stressed out, and disoriented. “Girls, I’m afraid you aren’t the only ones who are captivated by President Trump and his beautiful wife,” I said, kneeling to get on their level. “Virtually everyone in this theater is here for the 7:30 PM showing, and it’s been sold out for days.” Tears began to well up in their eyes. “But…” I said in a hushed tone, “I happen to have a few extra tickets with me, and I’d like you and your dad to have them.” They jumped for joy and began hugging their father. He looked relieved as he wiped the sweat off his brow with a smile. I handed him the tickets and pulled him close. “Raise these girls right,” I whispered. “Teach them to be classy conservative women of faith like Melania, don’t let them become like Meghan Markle. Capisce?” He hugged me and thanked me profusely. “What are you going to do now?” He asked. “Don’t worry about me, son,” I told him, with a twinkle in my eye. “I’ve already got tickets to the next showing.”

college

USNA: Possible active shooter, shelter in place! Some Marine option midshipman with an inert parade rifle:

Me when the chase lasts less than 32 meters

i like driving by myself. i just played the same 1 song 36 times

you didn't grow up on my streets son

The day they change this image will be the day it's truly over

Jonah Ryan is the greatest cartoon character ever created

“this is an elementary school !!” takes me out every single time

Back in the day Ice Cube yelled at me a few times but I’m still a really big fan

I have a feeling this meme format is going to get a lot of use over the next four years.

today we take back this country