I’m like Tom Selleck without his money and fame. Or his mustache. I don’t have his chest hair either. Come to think of it, I’m nothing like Tom Selleck. Sorry.
Joined June 2009
- Tweets 88,997
- Following 6,209
- Followers 7,492
- Likes 61,925
20,262 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
20 Jan 2019
I was born and raised in Kansas City. If you have never been there, here's a little tour of Ma-homes town...
1. @TheWWImuseum
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Jun 13
USMNT throttled Paraguay on the same day that Dump’s name was ripped off the Kennedy Center
America we are so back
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Jun 12
Americans during the South Korea Czech match after waiting 5 hours for the start:
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Matt C retweeted
Jun 12
European soccer fans when they return home after eating American fast food for two weeks
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Jun 8
Absolutely using the hell out of this opening line
Jun 7
I don't know why any of you haters are surprised I'm the one actually engaging here.
You're the ones who've obsessively pored over the 10,000 photos, the 30,000 text messages, and the 128,000 emails from my hacked iCloud and stolen devices.
If I am anything, I am prolific.
You know what you won't find? Any of the most heinous, hateful things you keep posting about me.
What you'll find from me here is the same thing you found there.
Total transparency. Finally on my terms. Not yours.
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Jun 7
Why does PK look like he’s trying out for singer of My Chemical Romance
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Jun 3
Vegas vs Carolina: has there ever been a Stanley cup final between two warmer cities
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May 30
Granny stays in the cage until the @Royals are .500 again. She probably gonna die.
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Matt C retweeted
May 28
“There’s an AI tool for that”
Ok? Well there’s probably an Ed Sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck
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Matt C retweeted
May 28
You know you're getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don't like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.
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May 24
Absolute incredible view of KC and the Mighty ‘Mo from @cpkcstadium at the @thekccurrent game:
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May 23
My waist is 33 wide and 33 long and apparently I am the only human on earth that size as I have literally never found a single pair of 33/33 pants 🙃
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May 23
Will not be surprised if trump/fifa/isra*l rig things so the USMNT wins the World Cup on their home soil to celebrate their 250th bday
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