asking for stuff doesn't feel like grifting if you genuinely only want them to say yes if it'll benefit them as well as you. ditto for applying to programs/fellowships/etc. it's basically a rich guy who wants to improve the world or make returns, you provide them evidence for how good you'd be at what they want, as best you can, then you go back to getting better.
many kinds of interpersonal agency can feel icky, like grifting, so ppl avoid it. but if you refuse to be inauthentic, to lie, to have nothing unwholesome in your heart, then it's easy!
when everyone feels like, on some level, a friend who you haven't met yet, then it all flows so much more naturally and better.
never having gone to school myself (homeschooled, whole life) this kind of orientation comes more naturally to me I think. imagine never having a stupid test, adults that wouldn't listen to you/take you seriously, and oppressive institutions. I deeply feel like everyone can be reasoned with.
that said, i still have to work to monitor my orientation! it's easy for me to fall into a grift-y mindset momentarily, there's so of that in the world, it's natural to mirror occasionally. nothing wrong with that! but, for me, it feels better for my soul to be authentic and wholesome. and, thankfully, it's also very effective! authenticity really stands out in an application, when everyone else is trying to convince you, and one person stops to be real and simply connect. as people.
hope this helps someone! :-)