Joined October 2012
- Tweets 2,422
- Following 1,449
- Followers 292
- Likes 1,058
1,389 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
20 Aug 2018
How come old men scream when they sneeze? You scared the whole dang restaurant Harold
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7 Mar 2023
I wanna tear these titty tassels off and screw like a boy frog
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OptionAmbrose retweeted
11 Jan 2023
the city of Los Angeles has banned the sale of flavored vapes. I suggest they take it one step further and kiII my parents in front of me
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11 Jan 2023
With chat bots being as advanced as they are nowadays I’d like to request an AOL Instant Messenger emulator
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11 Jan 2023
1:1 remake. Same aesthetic, all the same sounds, same away message system, and all of the bots will have stupid screen names like “BimpLizkit6969” or “skootermcdooter123”
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OptionAmbrose retweeted
11 Jun 2016
Advice: if you're at a formal dinner, tuck your butt cheeks into your asshole.
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6 Jun 2022
I’ve been reading all my past tweets to Kim. Can’t believe I’ve been able to take my Twitter material on the road
6 Jun 2022
sure, yo girl’s a keeper but is she a Lisa Frank trapper keeper?
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6 Jun 2022
This next group is a Counting Crows tribute band. Give it up for, Taking Inventory of Ravens! #tributebandnames
OptionAmbrose retweeted
6 Feb 2022
Ah yes, the one time of year I open my “idk but this seems important” paper drawer and give myself a panic attack just so I can get my hard earns back from the government
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OptionAmbrose retweeted
31 Jan 2022
FUN FACT: Joe Rogan is exactly 4 feet and 8 inches tall, while also being 4 feet and 8 inches wide.
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27 Jan 2022
When are they gonna stop pointlessly gendering things? 🙄
27 Jan 2022
25 Jan 2022
Friend: you ever walked out of a movie before?
Me, still sitting in the theater where I saw The Little Mermaid: I think we both know the answer to that
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11 Jan 2022
Has enough time passed for children to think a memory card would be found near the “get well soon” cards at the store?
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4 Jan 2022
When the fruit snacks pack is tough to open you know you’re about to send them shits flyin all over the room
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28 Dec 2021
My phone is broken and it still went off this morning. It was alarming, much like the blood in my urine
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OptionAmbrose retweeted
6 Sep 2021
I protect you from the government, not from GoDaddy
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