A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

Good morning everyone! Have a beautiful Sunday!♥️♥️♥️♥️

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because her boyfriend was blonde, too!

I offered my neighbor $20 to take me up on her stair lift. I think she’s going to take me up on it!

An older couple went out for dinner at their favorite Chinese restaurant. They decided to try something new on the menu called Chicken Surprise. A few minutes later, the waiter brought their meal — a covered cast iron pot. Just as the wife was about to serve herself, the lid popped up a little… and she saw two tiny eyes peeking out! Then the lid dropped back down. “Harold, did you see that?!” she whispered. Harold hadn’t, so she told him to look. He lifted the lid — and sure enough, two little eyes peered up at him before the lid slammed shut again. Totally baffled, he called the waiter over. “Excuse me, but something’s alive in here!” The waiter nodded politely and said, “Ah, so sorry, sir. You ordered Chicken Surprise?” “Yes,” Harold said nervously. “Ah,” said the waiter, bowing slightly. “My mistake. That’s our Peking Duck!”

Happy birthday, President Trump! I wish you could be POTUS for the rest of my life! Best ever! Thank you! ♥️🇺🇸 @realDonaldTrump

Happy Birthday Mr. President. If you’re seeing this post. Comment/ Repost Let’s Fucking Go MAGA 👊🏻🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

The Riders In The Sky (old western band) have a song called Palindrone - it is fantastic!! learningenglish.voanews.com/…

When it’s been a while, and he says, “Just touch it.”

Does anyone else sit around and think about what words would be if you said them backwards? America would be Acirema. I know… I’m weird. 😂😂😂

I just figured out that the first three letters of Sweden and Denmark spell out Sweden, and the last three letters of Sweden and Denmark spell out Denmark. I might be the only person who didn’t know this!😂😂😂😂

Charles had just started his new job as a greeter at Wal-Mart after retiring. He was friendly, sharp, neat as a pin—and customers loved him. There was just one problem: He could never seem to get to work on time. Every day he’d stroll in 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. Still, once he arrived, he did an excellent job. Finally, the manager called him into the office. “Charles, I really like your work ethic,” the manager said. “You’re great with customers, and you do fantastic work. But you’re late far too often, and it’s becoming a problem.” “Yes sir, I know,” Charles said. “I’m working on it.” “That’s good to hear,” the manager replied. “You’re a team player. But I have to ask—since you’re retired from the Armed Forces, what did they say back then when you showed up late?” Charles looked down, smiled, and let out a little chuckle, and said, “Well… usually they’d say, ‘Good morning, General. Can I get your coffee, sir?’”

There’s a few people I would like to bake a pie for!

QT Your Red & Black Fashion

QP your vintage patriotic pinup poster of yourself! Join in! @StephGrey50 @SeaeyesTri @ArmyBrat682 @ACortinas87 @lizaj2468 @AlixG_2 @billytex940 @MikeBales @DataRepublican @GladYuengling

What is it called when a guy is pleasuring himself in the car? Carjacking! (Please don’t block me!)

What do you do when a group of clowns attacks you? Go for the jugular! 😂😂

A trucker’s wife sees three parrots for sale…$170, $150, and $10. She asks why the last parrot is so cheap. The pet owner said it used to live in a whorehouse. The woman laughs and buys it. When she gets home, the parrot says, “Wow! A new whorehouse!” The woman laughs, and when her two daughters get home, the parrot says, “Dang! Two new gals!” They all laugh. When the woman’s husband gets home, the parrot says, “Hi, Joe! You found the new spot!” And that’s how the fight started.