Whenever a new Bitcoin block is mined, the @we_satoshis payment card immediately detects it and plays a cool "digital rain" matrix effect while parsing the block. 😍

Cute theory, let's play it out. A monkey hoards a trillion bananas. The troop, enraged, beats him to death. They gather around the pile to feast at last. But... oh wait, there is no pile. It turns out the "bananas" were shares in a banana-launching company the dead monkey founded. The shares were worth a trillion because he was alive to run it. Now he is dead and the stock is worth $0. The retarded monkeys have clubbed their way into a recession. But it gets worse. Half the "bananas" were tied up in a rocket that supplies bananas to monkeys on the far mountain who had no bananas at all. Another chunk was tied up in a little satellite dish that beamed banana coordinates to the troop after a flood took out their trees. So now they realized they beat to death the only monkey who knew how the dish worked. So the monkeys sit there. No bananas. No rockets. No coordinates to get more banananas. Just a dead body and a powerful sense of fairness as they all now became infinitely poorer. OH And somewhere a smaller monkey watches the whole thing and quietly decides he will never build anything in front of these animals again.

Our first Women in Bitcoin Montréal brunch is almost full 🍊 Only 4 spots remain. Men’s registration is now open. RSVP: satlantis.io/events/2286/wom…

And we are back online. Happy swapping! Post mortem in the following days (the team is really tired) 🙏

Good news: the @Boltzhq API issues have been resolved, and all EclairBTC POS terminals are back to normal. Thanks for your patience. Now go enjoy your weekend and spend some Bitcoin at your favorite local merchants. ⚡️🧡₿

i see people are upset that elon didn't generate his wealth the right way, drawing a 7 figure annual salary from a prestigious washington dc based ngo with a 25% program expense ratio

When I give my savings to @elonmusk they multiply. When I give them to you and all of the US government, they disappear.

History's first trillionaire is a guy who catches rockets out of the sky with chopsticks and beams internet to every dead zone on the planet. Same guy ships cars that drive themselves, humanoid robots for the factory floor, brain chips that let paralyzed people move a cursor with pure thought, and an AI running on a supercomputer his team stood up in months instead of years. And the people crashing out about his net worth are doing it on the app he owns. The same app governments spent years trying to censor. You cannot legislate a rocket into orbit.

A little wholesome content for your timeline: A doe and her newborn fawn strolling past my porch this morning. Sometimes the best part of the day is right outside your door. 🦌❤️

Just discovered a fantastic feature in Alby Hub. If there's an issue with a service you're using (like this morning's @Boltzhq API outage), you can see it directly from your Alby Hub dashboard. Even better, you can subscribe to status updates and get notified when the issue is resolved. Simple. Useful. Exactly how status monitoring should work. Bravo @getAlby 👏⚡

EclairBTC POS terminals are temporarily offline because of an API outage at Boltz. We'll post again when @Boltzhq brings their API back online and things are back to normal. Thank you for your patience.

Boltz API and related services are currently facing an unexpected downtime ⚠️ We are looking into the issue and will be sharing more information soon 🙏

If you haven't heard of Ark yet, you gotta try Bark Wallet and get a taste of it. Ark is a new way to send Bitcoin instantly, and for basically free. Plus no channels to open. no liquidity to manage. no inbound capacity anxiety. and you can always exit to the blockchain even if the Ark server goes offline. Bark wraps Lightning, Ark, and on-chain into one simple wallet on your own Umbrel. Install it, send sats, and get on with your life.

16 years ago, the first Bitcoin faucet gave away free bitcoin. Today, we’re honoring that legacy. 🚰⚡️ Happy Blockstream Faucet Day! We’re giving away $5 in L-BTC per redemption on @Liquid_BTC. To claim yours: 👇 Reply with your Blockstream app Liquid receive address 📸 Attach a screenshot of your receive screen

Chargeback fraud is a broken feature of the legacy payments system. With Bitcoin payments via a POS like EclairBTC, merchants get paid instantly and payments can't be clawed back months later by a customer claiming they never received the product. Final settlement matters.

So let me get this straight: we're supposedly building the next global P2P cash system one that will eventually compete with or replace fiat on top of the Google and Apple ecosystems? And every day we're left wondering what the next policy change will be? Maybe we're missing something, but that doesn't seem like a viable path to making Bitcoin the world's money.

With Wesatoshis, you can swap directly between Native BTC UTXOs to @arkade_os VTXOs from the card itself.

Oh Canada

Time for another Lightning Address giveaway! 🎁🌊⚡ Put your desired handle on a billboard and drop it below. We will pick the five best ones and award them their premium aqua.net Lightning Address. What will yours say? 🐬🌊

Wesatoshis successfully executed over 500 ARKADE → Lightning swaps overnight without a single failure. Beta release coming soon.

At Wesatoshis, we’re not building “another wallet.” We think differently. We look at fiat bills, which have worked well for a long time, and we take inspiration from that. That’s why we’re building a digital bill based on Bitcoin one that no Apple or Google policy can change or control.