Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: linktr.ee/RodLacroix | Latest Tweets: bit.ly/4voCdwK
Joined March 2008
- Tweets 168,573
- Following 8,317
- Followers 45,126
- Likes 168,381
13,551 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
14 Oct 2022
I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that if I got a job as a UPS driver they'd probably let me work from home.
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Elon woke up this morning as the world's first trillionaire so I'm looking forward to the end of cancer soon.
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Friday nights in my 20s: Drinking, going out with friends, seeing live bands, dancing
Friday nights in my 50s: Drinking, making a grocery list
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I can't get my life together but can simultaneously watch 47 shows on 13 different streaming services.
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
just saw an email come through with URGENT in the subject line and shut my laptop. it's 5.10 on a Friday grow up
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 13
Found out my husband and his parents met Elon at a college lunch event in the 2000s and were sitting at the same table, so I guess Elon and I have something in common: being bored by my father-in-law
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 12
Being an adult is wild because one day you get a little sleepy then you stay that way for the rest of your life
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 12
Nothing brings me more joy than waking up and realizing that my phone didn't charge at all
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Me: I think I’ll go for a long run today.
My bladder: How comfortable are you peeing in the woods?
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It's 90 degrees and humid, so in honor of FIFA:
- Feeling I'm Frying Alive
- Furnace Inferno, Friggin' America
- F*ck It, Find Air-conditioning
- Feels Identical to F*cking Arizona
- Flaming In Four Areas
- Face Is Feeling Ashen
- Fried In Freaking America
- F*ck It, Fall Already
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Facebook is down so now I have no idea whose birthday it is.
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Me [pulling cassette out of mail]: How am I still subscribed to Columbia House?
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Reached that age where my kids are getting home at the same time I’m waking up to pee for the third time.
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 11
[finally agrees on a restaurant]
Him: Should we order an appetizer?
Me: I don’t care, you pick.
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 11
Every dog that brings you a stick genuinely believes they have solved your problems
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 11
The earliest humans to walk aimlessly were called Meanderthals
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Jun 12
me: *pulling out my id to buy wine*
my 10yo: mom, why do you have to show that? you look 43
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I get you, wood at Home Depot. I'm warped and knotty, too.
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Child me: [eating watermelon]
Mom: Be careful. If you swallow a seed, a watermelon will grow in your belly.
[50 years later]
Me [looking down]: Oh no.
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