Joined January 2014
- Tweets 809,036
- Following 14,984
- Followers 38,676
- Likes 766,574
6,133 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
14 Sep 2020
Lady was pissy when I insisted on walking with her to the parking lot, but it was raining and she had an umbrella.
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*slips a rosette around his pee-pee
for coming first
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I’ve never had Botox or any kind of fillers or surgery on my face.
So fuck yeah I will boast about that shit shit cuz I’m about to be 59 years old on the 25th of June!
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Jun 13
Imagine hating me and I’m just out here practicing the bombale dance.
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I would retweet you but your ass is MAGA!
If you’re retweeting MAGA then you’re MAGA too!!!!
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The projecting on this app is hilarious.
I don’t even bitch about people anymore.
Just politics.
Because President Pedophile doesn’t care about anyone, and apparently I’ve made it my civic duty to keep pointing that out.
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16h
Drinking my breakfast, but in the protein shake way, not in the fun 1950s way
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Jun 13
I bought what I thought was some innocent washing machine cleaner, and the directions were, all “first put on a hazmat suit and then phone the people you love to say goodbye.”
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Trying to find old posts people will relate to.
That is the way!
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20h
You know you have a well-paying job when you forget which day you get paid on.
If you woke up tomorrow with zero stress about money, what is the first thing you would do?
Wrong answers only.
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I’ve adulted enough today. It’s nap time.
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Jun 13
Can I come over and look at you like this?
Jun 12
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Jun 12
This
Jun 12
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18h
My search history is just me asking the internet to validate bad decisions.
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People will argue and get upset over the dumbest shit.
I guess it’s the way.
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I have so many hot peppers already that I need to start management so I am fermenting hot sauce today. Now we watch for bubbles in 24-48 hours, fingers crossed!
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MAGA retweets MAGA.
So pay attention.
I will talk to MAGA but I sure as fuck won’t ever retweet a MAGA person.
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No one is more of a star fucker than a fucking star.
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I'm replying to the astrology bot.
That's how far I've fallen.
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