Ouch?
Joined February 2017
- Tweets 296,105
- Following 17,295
- Followers 31,981
- Likes 288,656
11,183 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
25 Aug 2019
Find yourself someone who makes your bad days good and your good days better.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
23 Jun 2023
Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
26 Jun 2023
Reverse cowgirl, so I don’t need to share my snacks with your dad.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
27 Jun 2023
I got fired from porn acting job for saying things like “No, I have a headache,” “No, I’m too tired” and “Fine, just hurry.”
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
12 Jul 2025
~Mutes all political tweets.
~On Twitter by myself.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
13 May 2023
I just want you to know what I want without me having to tell you what I want.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
13 Aug 2024
Eating is a cure for sadness.
Everybody knows that.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
8 Sep 2023
Use your time wisely, take a nap.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
4 Mar 2025
We're now in a space where the USA is more closely aligned with Russia than Canada
Kanye is a Nazi, mid faced Onlyfans girls make more than pediatric surgeons, and Elon runs a Doge department of government
Yeaaaaah, it'll be fine
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
14 Jul 2022
Husband: Do you want anything?
Me: Could you breathe less?
Husband: I meant for dinner.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
9 Mar 2022
Sorry, I kicked you in the nuts, but to be fair, you did ask me what’s for dinner.
Husband: …
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
9 Mar 2022
(During sex)
No, no… Leave the Davey Crocket raccoon hat on.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
12 Sep 2024
Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here.
Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s ALL that happens in small towns.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
23 Sep 2024
No one ever tells you how often as an adult you find yourself in a huge rush to get somewhere you don’t even want to go
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
26 Sep 2024
Garlic bread goes with everything … even cereal
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
21 Sep 2024
Sunrise so pretty it takes your breath away
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
23 Sep 2024
You can mess with me, but don’t even think about messing with my George Foreman machine.
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
25 Sep 2024
Love really fucking does last forever but the fucking complexities of the lives we create will have some people choosing their fucking comfort zone
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Shade 5 🎬 retweeted
25 Sep 2024
I’m not sure anymore if I drink coffee because I like it or because the demon inside me requires it
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