Joined July 2011
814 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
13 Apr 2013
I am sorry but you seem like someone that has missed some belt loops on the pants of life.
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25 Sep 2021
What’s the equation of Lululemon pieces worn to time spent in a gym?
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31 Jul 2021
Every Olympic event should include one average person competing for reference.
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Le Sigh retweeted
26 Jun 2021
No, I haven't been exercising. It's just the meat sweats.
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27 Jun 2021
You changed your name to Hazel and were angry I didn’t know that meant you were identifying as a man now🤦🏻‍♀️
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20 Jun 2021
My dad just said “you don’t pay attention, you pay the price.” He is watching the weather channel.
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Le Sigh retweeted
sorry I haven’t been online lately I’ve been trying to pull up my yoga pants
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Le Sigh retweeted
19 Jun 2021
Had a sex dream last night. I wasn't in it. Seemed so real.
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20 Jun 2021
Happy Father’s Day to all of the dad’s out there!
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Le Sigh retweeted
30 Apr 2021
All I know is, if you ever bury a Furby, for the love of God bury it deeper than I did.
30 Apr 2021
“Furbies are making a comeback” sounds more like a threat than an exciting promise
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Le Sigh retweeted
I'm only tolerant until I'm not.
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10 Mar 2021
Can sex substitute for a bonus cardio workout?
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Le Sigh retweeted
26 Dec 2020
*seductively places bladder leak pads in shopping cart*
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Le Sigh retweeted
All this technology and we're still shitting into a bowl full of water?
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Le Sigh retweeted
There are people you can look at and just know they really need a slap.
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Le Sigh retweeted
I've had orgasms last longer than some of my followers.
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14 Feb 2021
When are we all changing our handles to include the “ ”?
14 Feb 2021
I need less Jesus on my Facebook feed Karen.
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