Well … first things first. I’m sorry. Regardless of the circumstances, simply vanishing off this network in January 2024 would have deeply disappointed a lot of you. I can only apologise, and off the back of that I honestly don’t blame any of you for thinking the worst. If you kept on following me on Facebook, you would know that I had what I can only describe as a full-on breakdown. I should have tackled it head-on at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. For what it’s worth, the most accurate (in my view) article about everything that happened is bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c77l… (mainly because it took Essex Live ELEVEN MONTHS to update their own viral article with my version of events). I also covered everything in detail with @PaulMaleary in a video at youtu.be/wnXYOH7e_QM?si=GQ5N… I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t a thousand other versions of what happened out there, including me having to flee the UK to Thailand as it was all a government psyop conspiracy, man. Feel free to believe whatever you want to believe, but I’m back to reassure you all that I’m still in South Essex, not South f*****g Bangkok. Impersonation on here was becoming an issue as well, so I know - I’m a hypocrite for restarting on X after slating it left, right and centre. Nobody’s perfect. Like I said, believe what you want to believe. All I’ll add is that I’m not typing this on a mobile that I’ve smuggled up my chocolate starfish into Wormwood Scrubs. That’s not to say that I haven’t made mistakes though. No illusions about that. Some of my antics on this network were utterly cringeworthy. What’s done is done. I’ve waffled enough now. Nobody likes a self-indulgent ramble and enough of you hate me as it is. Again, I don’t blame anyone for taking a dim view all things considered, but at least I haven’t deactivated (and I don’t mean in the social media sense), which was clearly the goal for a very small but dedicated group of people. Much love to you all, lovers and haters regardless xxx

When Rangers play Celtic in The Old Firm Derby, it’s on TV at 12.30pm and everyone can watch it, so why the hell did FIFA schedule Scotland’s match against Haiti in the middle of the bloody night. Game’s gone mad.

This makes me laugh. Dave’s taking a break from mocking a woman with cancer to take the piss out of my speech impediment, but he’s completely fucked it up as I’ve got a stammer and not a lisp 😆😆😆

‘TA Baracus’ 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Really pleased to see Lee promoting the tolerance of all faiths and beliefs. He’s finally seen the light.

Lidl are now selling their ‘own brand’ version of Twinkies. Sgt. Al Powell will be delighted.

Hannah Spencer has just made a lot of people look really silly. Turns out she got this shirt from a charity shop 15 years ago. Silly, silly people 😆😆😆

Yes. You did hear this correctly. Alexei Lalas called James Corden a ‘fucking wanker.’

I don’t want to worry anyone, but it looks like the faces of the Elizabeth Tower have been stolen …

The replies to this are both worrying and terrifying in equal measure.

I know Adam Richman is a Spurs fan, but I just can’t hate the guy as he keeps using the proper word ‘football’ and not ‘soccer’ like most other Americans would on ITV’s World Cup coverage.

The sheer number of people in the UK who believe every match at the World Cup should be scheduled at a time to suit the UK audience is genuinely frightening.

Wishing Maysum Abdullah a speedy recovery! He is the heroic teacher who tackled the schoolgirl with a knife at the Co-op Academy in Higher Blackley, Manchester earlier this week. While protecting other students, the father of one sustained injuries to his neck and hand. His wife Samia posted, ‘My husband entered teaching to make a positive difference in young people’s lives and he is truly a hero for protecting and safeguarding those children.’

Utter horseshit from The Fail as per. None of the councils featured in the article mention ‘intimidating migrants’ at all. It’s mainly standard, long-standing responses about public property and safety concerns, with one discussing ‘community cohesion’ which is a tenuous link to ‘intimidating migrants’ to say the least.

I’m hearing early UK viewing figures for South Korea - Czechia are very low. I’m not sure what FIFA expected putting it on at 2.30am. Utter woke nonsense.

‘GAH I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’VE CANCELLED CORRIE / EASTENDERS. BLOODY FOOTBALL!’ was only valid back in the days when it took a degree in quantum mechanics to program a VCR. It’s 2026. Catch-up / streaming exists. Shut up.

A new low for ex-Dr Dave Cartland over on Facebook tonight. Janet is someone who he abuses online - she has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is documenting her journey on TikTok. She has jovially named her two tumours ‘Sylvia’ and ‘Fred.’ Utterly abhorrent behaviour.

And now my nine-year-old daughter is suddenly interested in the World Cup …

UEFA’s top executives must have sat in a room and asked each other, ‘How can we make the Trump administration look like even bigger arseholes?’

Maybe!

McVitie’s have finally won the ‘Cake or Biscuit’ VAT war by putting the ‘cake’ inside a ‘biscuit,’ meaning they’re now VAT-exempt. Very smart.