mediocre female person with crumbs in her bed 🎤
Joined June 2011
- Tweets 7,697
- Following 728
- Followers 1,222
- Likes 6,459
535 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
24 Aug 2018
Maybe she's born with it...or maybe it's Maybelline....OR MAYBE SHE EATS A BOWL OF Fettuccine Alfredo EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED AND CURSES EVERY MAN THAT EVER WRONGED HER BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
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Mar 13
I'm so midwestern that when I send someone a gift and they send me a thank you, I send them a thank you for their thank you.
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Sarah Perry retweeted
16 Nov 2024
Mom, people on Twitter are discovering Jewish is an ethnicity again
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You’d think this scene alone would get it an R but what do I know
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17 Aug 2024
Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."
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Sarah Perry retweeted
14 Aug 2024
We <3 @sperrycomedy (and her ma, Tina!)
Check her out tonight at Helium!!
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Sarah Perry retweeted
7 Aug 2024
Seen at SXSW Festival, @SperryComedy is coming to Helium for one night only!
🎟️ August 14 🎟️
Get tickets now: st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/sh…
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Sarah Perry retweeted
We’re cooked
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Sarah Perry retweeted
28 Jun 2024
You are currently president
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Sarah Perry retweeted
28 Jun 2024
Give them both a pdf, first one that can rotate it gets to be president
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Sarah Perry retweeted
27 Jun 2024
my 2024 debate drinking game, enjoy:
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Sarah Perry retweeted
19 Apr 2024
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe
19 Apr 2024
We talked to a Volkswagen worker in Tennessee who does DoorDash after work.
The giant automaker generated $19.6 billion in profits last year, but some of its U.S. employees are working two jobs.
Today they could win their election to unionize with the @UAW.
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Sarah Perry retweeted
13 Apr 2024
Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now
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17 Feb 2024
I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.
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Sarah Perry retweeted
12 Feb 2024
Behind every powerful woman is Tony Hale holding her bag.
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Sarah Perry retweeted
18 Jan 2024
i
fell
into
a Burger King deep fryer
i turned
brown brown brown
medical help was required
and it
burns burns burns
that BK fryer
that BK fryer
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21 Dec 2023
At this point, every girl I went to high school with has been pregnant for years.
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