mediocre female person with crumbs in her bed 🎤
Joined June 2011
- Tweets 7,697
- Following 728
- Followers 1,222
- Likes 6,459
535 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
24 Aug 2018
Maybe she's born with it...or maybe it's Maybelline....OR MAYBE SHE EATS A BOWL OF Fettuccine Alfredo EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED AND CURSES EVERY MAN THAT EVER WRONGED HER BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
9
229
1,668
Mar 13
I'm so midwestern that when I send someone a gift and they send me a thank you, I send them a thank you for their thank you.
3
10
469
Sarah Perry retweeted
16 Nov 2024
Mom, people on Twitter are discovering Jewish is an ethnicity again
416
2,257
135,677
13,422,335
You’d think this scene alone would get it an R but what do I know
142
4,148
105,967
6,331,416
17 Aug 2024
Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."
249
Sarah Perry retweeted
14 Aug 2024
We <3 @sperrycomedy (and her ma, Tina!)
Check her out tonight at Helium!!
1
1
22
1,939
Sarah Perry retweeted
7 Aug 2024
Seen at SXSW Festival, @SperryComedy is coming to Helium for one night only!
🎟️ August 14 🎟️
Get tickets now: st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/sh…
1
2
350
Sarah Perry retweeted
We’re cooked
478
17,522
116,836
2,887,281
Sarah Perry retweeted
28 Jun 2024
You are currently president
1,157
34,842
465,071
15,907,318
Sarah Perry retweeted
28 Jun 2024
Give them both a pdf, first one that can rotate it gets to be president
107
13,803
269,350
4,721,889
Sarah Perry retweeted
27 Jun 2024
my 2024 debate drinking game, enjoy:
1,398
11,497
120,512
12,389,325
Sarah Perry retweeted
19 Apr 2024
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe
19 Apr 2024
We talked to a Volkswagen worker in Tennessee who does DoorDash after work.
The giant automaker generated $19.6 billion in profits last year, but some of its U.S. employees are working two jobs.
Today they could win their election to unionize with the @UAW.
22
597
4,154
122,497
Sarah Perry retweeted
13 Apr 2024
Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now
320
7,252
112,621
5,604,920
17 Feb 2024
I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.
4
342
Sarah Perry retweeted
12 Feb 2024
Behind every powerful woman is Tony Hale holding her bag.
72
9,580
90,674
3,098,450
Sarah Perry retweeted
18 Jan 2024
i
fell
into
a Burger King deep fryer
i turned
brown brown brown
medical help was required
and it
burns burns burns
that BK fryer
that BK fryer
5
59
432
26,803
21 Dec 2023
At this point, every girl I went to high school with has been pregnant for years.
2
233