Happy #Thanksgiving2025 to all you #Turkey lovers

Yeah sometimes it happens @saylor

Thread 1/27 BREAKING: The stock market just realized Black Friday is in 9 days and it has $47.32 in its checking account, three maxed-out credit cards, and a Cart on the Nike site that currently says “Complete your SNKRS family!” It has seen the prices. It has done the math. It is not okay. 2/ The Dow opened down 1,400 points this morning for one reason and one reason only: it woke up, checked the Target app, saw that the Dyson Airwrap is somehow still $599.99, whispered “respect the grind,” and then yeeted itself off the top rope like a retail Stone Cold Steve Austin. 3/ S&P 500 just filed for emotional damages after watching its wife (Nancy) add a 78-inch OLED, a Ninja Creami, and something called a “Shiatsu Back and Neck Massager with Heat (Renewed)” to the Amazon registry at 3:14 a.m. It asked, “Do we really need another massager?” She said, “It’s renewed, Steve. That’s basically recycling.” Steve is now legally known as the -6.8% red candle. 4/ Meanwhile Tesla is down 12% because Elon tweeted “Cyber Monday deals soon fr fr” and every shareholder realized that means the Cybertruck Foundation Series will be marked down from “two houses” to “one house your firstborn a gentle tear.” 5/ Apple is flat because it knows, deep in its titanium soul, that no matter how bad the crash gets, people will still show up at 5 a.m. on Friday, frostbitten and feral, willing to suplex a grandma for a $50 AirPods Pro discount that requires a new two-year contract with Verizon, activation fee, and a blood oath. 6/ Retail investors on WallStreetBets right now: “Sir this is a margin call.” “Bro it’s fine I’m just gonna YOLO the liquidation money into the PS5 Pro bundle drop Thursday night. Sony restocks at 3 a.m. EST, I have three laptops and my mom’s Discover card ready.” 7/ CNBC trying to explain the sell-off: Jim Cramer: “It’s a combination of sticky inflation, Fed signaling, and—” *cut to live feed of a 43-year-old man in Ohio adding a 14-piece Le Creuset cookware set (Flame) to cart* Jim: “…and that gentleman just spent his kids’ college fund on a Dutch oven. Back to you, Becky.” 8/ The VIX is at 47, which in layman’s terms means volatility is now legally allowed to drink in all 50 states and has already pre-gamed three White Claws in the parking lot of Best Buy. 9/ Crypto? Oh honey. Bitcoin looked at the Steam Deck OLED limited-edition drop, said “I too would like to feel something,” and dropped 18% in six minutes. Ethereum is currently refreshing the Steam page every 0.3 seconds like the rest of us. 10/ The Fed just issued an emergency statement: “We are monitoring the situation closely and have instructed Jerome Powell to hide under his desk until the Shein haul videos stop.” 11/ BREAKING: Walmart just accidentally put the entire website on 90% off for 45 seconds. The market recovered 2,400 points in that window. Then the glitch was fixed and we gave it all back plus interest. Classic Black Friday training arc. 12/ My 401k is now a 401(ok I guess we die). 13/ Shoutout to the one guy who’s up 400% today because he bought $O (Realty Income Corp) thinking it was the Oprah “You get a car!” ticker. Technical analysis is dead. Vibes only. 14/ Nancy Pelosi just exercised options on a company called “DoorBuster Dynamite Inc.” Ticker: $YEET. It’s up 3,600%. We are not a serious country. 15/ Final stages of capitalism: the market no longer reacts to GDP, jobs reports, or geopolitics. It reacts to whether or not the Target Circle Week email hits the inbox before 8 a.m. We have achieved peak civilization. 16/ Anyway, see you animals in line Thursday night. I’ll be the one in the lawn chair wearing a helmet and holding a printed copy of my cart “just in case the app crashes.” If you see me, don’t ask me about my portfolio. I traded it for a 1:1 chance at the Shark FlexStyle this year and I have no regrets. 17/ Remember: the beatings will continue until morale (and prices) improve.

"Canada's maple syrup cartel hoards 50% of the world's supply in secret bunkers. Absurdity level: 🍁💯 Watch the full madness: [YouTube Link] on the comments section #MapleMafia #Canada"