I have always found it a mix of bewildering and sad how a lot of TRAs dismiss transsexuals acknowledging our reality as an act of 'self-loathing'. In fact, the many TS I know who do are easily the most self-respecting and self-loving people I've ever met.
We know that transsexual women are not real women, nor are transsexual men real men. We may live socially as these things, but that doesn't make us *actually* them.
The TRA perspective comes from a place of deep-rooted insecurity. I know, because like basically all of us, I was once there too.
When I was in my beginning year(s) of adulthood and starting medical transition over a decade ago, before I became comfortable in my skin, I would get a viscerally negative reaction to the implication that trans women are not real women. This is because, in retrospect, it threw salt in a deep wound to be confronted with the reality that the thing I wanted most in life was utterly unobtainable.
I would have given anything to be born female. My sex dysphoria has caused me a lot of hardship and struggle in my past, and I'd rid myself of that all in a heartbeat. It sucks that I will never - and can never - have that reality, but coming to terms with it and accepting that has been one of the greatest things for my mental health, self-love, and self-actualization.
I'm not proud of being transsexual, but I am also not ashamed of it. It is simply the cards that I was dealt. I make the best of it where I can, and live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life regardless.
I have immense respect for women. I was birthed and raised by the greatest woman I and many others will ever know. I grew up surrounded by my many incredible sisters and all of my childhood best friends, whom I think the world of. This was only increased when I began living and eventually passing socially as a woman, and getting to experience some of their realities firsthand.
That said, we are not the same. Both groups have lives utterly defined by our unique experiences and struggles. Sure, a handful can overlap, at least for those of us that pass as and integrate socially as our desired sex. But that doesn't change the fact that we will never be actual women, and that is perfectly okay.
By pushing the 'trans women are real women' narrative, people are erasing both the individual lived realities of females and transsexuals alike, all the while perpetuating a lie that harms everybody involved - on a personal level, but also a societal one.
If the TRAs who parrot off this lie truly respected and empathized with women, they'd have no issue understanding the countless reasons why this is a completely necessary distinction. Sadly, they do not, and put personal validation above all else.
The sooner young transsexuals come to terms with all of this / their reality, the happier they will be, and the faster we can return to healthy dialogue and mutual respect.
Much love. 💙