This week leopards and tigers fight a data center, 911 caller in Massachusetts mistakes a leaf blower for a bazooka, meteor explodes over Boston, horse stampede in Rome, flesh-eating screwworm in Texas, family sues Campbell Soup after finding worms in their SpaghettiOs, you’re getting AI vaccines before GTA 6, robot in clown wig kicks kid, cop arrested for pointing gun at colleague for microwaving fish at the police station—good luck finding a jury that doesn’t think microwaving fish is a crime against humanity, AI translating thoughts of mice, dolphins, apes, birds, whales, and cuttlefish, loose kangaroo in Kentucky, Australian authorities seize 100,000 illegal giant cockroaches, NIH scientists smuggle monkeypox into America, eight men steal 25,000 pounds of cheese, Instagram, Facebook, and WhatsApp getting medical degrees, another woman falls through manhole, Paris in flames, super El Niño, scientists identify blood proteins that can predict lung cancer, earthquake in Vegas a.k.a. underground weapons testing, cow with alien face in Arkansas, wall of sand in Rajasthan, garbage crisis in Havana, hackers steal celebrity Instagram accounts, New York’s “gestating parent,” woman arrested for pretending to be a 12-year-old girl living with a family for over a year, American teenagers facing the worst summer job market since the 1940s, NASA evacuates International Space Station astronauts as Russia attempts to fix air leak in the basement that’s painted to look like the International Space Station, Iran using ChatGPT to launch attacks, U.S. officials have to use burner phones as Pentagon classifies Israeli spies in the White House as a hostile foreign power, chief exorcist of Washington has been fired, Switzerland bans mammography, Anthropic urges AI labs to throttle AI development—warning of “significant societal risks,” man claiming to have a bomb strapped to his chest takes a hostage inside a Chase Bank in Bakersfield, California, United Airlines flight turns around mid-ocean after kid names his Bluetooth speaker “BOMB,” Pakistanis who gang-raped French tourist in front of her three children after her car ran out of fuel will be executed, Jared and Ivanka buy a luxury doomsday bunker island resort—can’t wait to see that PowerPoint presentation, Alex Karp dead-hangs while orchestrating his kill chain, more men keep emerging from sewers in NYC, Taylor Swift's net worth surpasses $2,000,000,000, and Hell, Michigan is for sale.