• Law Student • Former Campaigner and Issue Advocate • History Buff • Conservationist • Southern • Log Cabin Republican • I Don’t Endorse My Tweets • 🇺🇸🏳️🌈
Joined July 2023
- Tweets 3,758
- Following 102
- Followers 1,072
- Likes 44,958
467 Photos and videos
Did it never occur to y’all to caramelize the onions, toast the bread, and melt the cheese?
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“America does not wait for relationships to grow.
It throws friendship at you and says, ‘Catch.’”
USA. A store.
I bought water.
The cashier said,
“Here you go, buddy.”
Buddy.
I froze.
Buddy is a big word.
In Japan, I need three years, two drinking parties, and one moment where we both pretend not to cry before I call someone buddy.
But this man gave it to me with a plastic bag.
No ceremony.
No contract.
No dramatic music.
Just “buddy.”
Then my friend said,
“Hurry up, bro.”
Bro?
Now I had a brother too?
I came to America with one suitcase and no siblings.
At this rate, I would leave with a family tree that looks like a Costco receipt.
I asked my friend,
“Am I legally American now?”
He said,
“No, dude.”
Dude.
Another title.
I was no longer a man.
I was Buddy-Bro-Dude, son of the Gas Station.
America does not wait for relationships to grow.
It throws friendship at you and says, “Catch.”
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“Stand Your Ground” does not mean “if you instigate a conflict and the other party doesn’t immediately back down, then you get to do whatever you want to them.”
If the past few days have taught us anything, it’s that millions of Americans believe the law allows the latter.
Jun 12
Black defendants’ “Stand Your Ground” claims against white assailants are denied more than 99 percent of the time. motherjones.com/politics/202…
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I initially thought the tan line was his waist 😳
Btw this is what happens when a European (me) goes to Chicago thinking it‘s gonna rain I‘ll be fine without sunscreen
To all my fellow Europeans traveling to the US this summer: don‘t make the same mistake 😭🧴
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Henry retweeted
Jun 11
Our forefathers purchased these for under 5 dollars at Walmart
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Henry retweeted
Jun 11
Kids today have no idea how good The Onion was, like when Autistic Reporter Michael Falk delivered this news package, “Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man”
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Apparently, an appreciable percentage of the population thinks that they’re allowed to murder people over a light shove.
Thats, uh… not good…
Asian dude shoots black kid and gets off Scott free. Black kid defends himself gets found guilty. Wild country.
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She’s so close to having a rather unpleasant epiphany
using hinge (for research, not dating) has taught me that men don’t actually believe in looksmatching because i have had the most unwashed men try to slide at me.
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Henry retweeted
Jun 9
> woman in California registers dog to vote
> successfully casts multiple mail-in ballots
> “gets caught” by turning herself in; says she was trying to prove a point
> gets arrested, awaiting sentencing
> Governor of California takes a victory lap re:election security
> tfw
Thank you Senator for highlighting the REPUBLICAN woman who registered her dog to vote and GOT CAUGHT BECAUSE of an ID requirement.
Community note
The woman, Laura Yourex, intentionally registered her dog to vote in an effort to expose California's weak voting safeguards.
She voluntarily reported herself to the city attorney after the dog's vote was successfully counted in 2021.
independent.co.uk/news/world/ame…
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It’s a bit dusty in here 🥺
Jun 7
It’s the first Sunday of June..
bringing back this classic.
have a great week
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I love how the Democrats’ “working class hero” went to prep school and grew up enjoying considerable wealth
Jun 6
If you don't know at least a handful of guys like Graham, you've never done a day of physical labor in your life and you should really think long and hard about your own class position and why Platner is winning Maine so handily...
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Actually, the fact he deliberately provoked a conflict and then murdered an innocent kid is the reason why I think Karmelo Anthony is “up to no good.”
White people: “Karmelo Anthony posing with guns means he’s up to no good.”
Also White People:
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Enjoy silence
Jun 5
Single men who live alone, without a wife or girlfriend… what do you do on evenings when you're alone in your apartment?
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I was 23, drunk as hell, and tailgating before a country concert with my brothers
One of them asked me “So, when are you…” and I just blurted out “I’m gay!”
And yeah, it was awkward for a minute or two but then we just carried on as normal
Me coming out changed nothing
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Yes, people who oppose eugenics are morally superior to those who support eugenics.
Jun 4
90% of people who are told their fetus will have Down syndrome end the pregnancy. Virtually none talk about it. This is common and yet shrouded in shame. I’m not sure piling more shame onto it helps anyone, although I’m sure it makes some people feel morally superior.
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