Big Tech spent the last two years deep-throating every microphone in America about how AI was going to “save humanity.”
Four months later, the miracle machine needs its own power plant, its own lake, half your town, and apparently a tax holiday.
Cheaper bills? Nope.
Cleaner energy? Maybe later.
Local jobs? Sure, twelve guys in hard hats and 900 acres of server farms.
Transparency? Lol. Get bent, peasant.
But the real comedy gold is watching billion-dollar AI companies roll into small towns like techno-feudal landlords, promising “economic growth” while quietly asking regular people to eat the grid upgrades.
Your power bill goes up.
Their tax bill goes down.
Your water gets negotiated in back rooms.
Their GPUs get treated like a national emergency.
And every governor with a ribbon-cutting addiction suddenly turns into a Venture Capital motivational speaker.
“This will bring innovation.”
No, genius. It brings diesel generators, transmission strain, noise complaints, water fights, and a giant warehouse full of robot brains hallucinating recipes and fake legal citations.
The AI bros said they were building the future.
Turns out the future is you paying higher utilities so ChatGPT can write Chad from HR’s quarterly objectives in six seconds.
This is not innovation. This is corporate welfare wearing a Patagonia vest.
By 2028, half these towns are going to realize they traded land, water, and cheap electricity for a blinking concrete shoebox and a press release.
Enjoy the revolution, idiots.
The server farm sure as hell will.