If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to tweet it, did it really happen?
Joined January 2009
- Tweets 40,131
- Following 950
- Followers 16,315
- Likes 21,591
5,240 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
3 Aug 2021
Dear Midwest, I’ve been in Tokyo for the past week for the @Olympics & I’ve noticed that my instinctual use of “Ope!” is universally understood by Japanese and other nationalities. Language barriers have been broken. 😉 @midwestern_ope
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Brian Kachinsky retweeted
Jun 6
Each circle has a different story
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Brian Kachinsky retweeted
Jun 4
Physician: Your body has ran out of magnesium.
Me: 0mg
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May 21
A neurosurgeon teamed up with an ENT surgeon to remove my wife’s brain tumor this week. Flawless intense life saving work. They’re absolute gods for what they do & deserve every bit of the comfortable salary they earn.
Strange that they both make less than a rookie in the NBA.
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May 21
I know this gets debated all the time. NBA careers are shorter than most surgeons. There’s an audience…Etc etc. As a former pro athlete myself I support them making good money. (Sub NBA for any entertainment career) My point: the difference in societal impact is stark.
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May 21
I wish they were more widely celebrated as superstars… but I understand why they aren’t. There’s no audience in that operating room. Those unbelievable feats go unseen and are often more complex than accurately putting a ball through a hoop.
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May 18
“The weatherman LIED!” was a common phrase I’d hear growing up when the forecast was wrong.
People have really eased up on that.
That’s progress.
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Apr 26
We know what it’s trying to say … but it’s literally saying the opposite 😂
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How do you make holy water?
…..
You boil the hell out of it.
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8 Dec 2025
Just exchanged “the nod” with a fellow dad wearing an identical Costco flannel.
Noticed. Respected. Acknowledged. 🫡
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23 Nov 2025
About to land in Japan with my wife and two young kids. Our kids have barely slept on this 12 hour flight.
I’d say “wish us luck” but we did this to ourselves. There will be pain.
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20 Nov 2025
Remember when people used to just die of “old age”?
Simpler times. 😂
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19 Nov 2025
My daughter wanted me to read this for bedtime. Hard to keep it together. Every time.
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15 Nov 2025
Back in 2010ish I started the @TheUSpenny account out of frustration that they were still minting them.
Here we are 15 years later - the LAST penny was minted today. It feels special.
A huge weight lifted off my shoulders & pockets.
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15 Nov 2025
I lied. Apparently I made the account in 2012. Sorry.
Still. Victory has been had.
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Brian Kachinsky retweeted
14 Nov 2025
I try to remind myself of this often...
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