I have been thinking a lot about my growth path to impact and network in this industry
As long term as I think I am ready to stay, I am becoming anxious that I will burn time on things that may not add to my perceived value
By myself, I see growth, but when I think of where I want to be and how much impact I want to make in research, It seems like I am nowhere near that
That, in fact, is both thrilling and scary at the same time, especially because I might feel like I am on the right path and maybe absolutely not
Building, not just any network, but a network that sees value in what you do is really hard (or maybe it's becoming valuable at all that is hard)
I have never felt more inclined to look for someone who could be a guiding light to me in this industry
Of course, I never thought I could make it alone, but I also never thought I'd need to be held by the hand either
I'd say, "Just study how they do it," but honestly, that's been really hard
I spend 6-9 hours a day on data and research, most of which never make it to publishing
When I get exhausted and nearing sleep, I'd think to myself; maybe if I had spent this time on X, I'd have gained more followers
As skilled as I think I am, I fear that the reality of my skill level may be far from that
But I have never really gotten the opportunity of true feedback (from someone who is up there already)
And all this drags me back into the same loop, "spend more time getting better and you will," but when I look into the mirror that is you (my network), is there really value in me?