There. Is. Always. A tweet.

BREAKING: The White House has released the full text of the US-Iran MOU, which confirms full US capitulation to Iranian demands. Iran's top negotiator and Parliament Speaker Ghalibaf in a new interview called this final MOU the ultimate "America's failure." The 14 key points: 1. Permanent termination of war on all fronts including Lebanon, with US and Iran committing to never initiate military operations against each other and to protect Lebanese sovereignty 2. At least $300 billion in reconstruction and economic development funds for Iran from the US and regional partners 3. Permanent termination of all sanctions including UN Security Council resolutions, IAEA Board resolutions, and all unilateral US primary and secondary sanctions 4. Full release of all Iran's frozen funds and assets, up to $100 billion total, with the Central Bank of Iran designating beneficiaries 5. Iranian sovereign administration over the Strait of Hormuz with only a 60-day free passage waiver, after which Iran begins collecting transit fees from every commercial ship 6. Full removal of US naval blockade within 30 days and withdrawal of all US forces from all US bases around Iran within 30 days after the final deal 7. Iran retains its full enrichment infrastructure with only existing stockpiled material to be down-blended on-site under IAEA supervision, with no new concessions on its existing NPT commitment 8. Iran's missile program and support for Resistance groups are explicitly removed from final deal negotiation scope 9. Mutual recognition of sovereignty and non-interference in internal affairs, formally legitimizing the Iranian regime 10. US commits to no new sanctions and no additional forces in the region while Iran maintains its current nuclear program status quo 11. Immediate US Treasury waivers for Iranian crude oil, petroleum products, and all banking, insurance, and transportation services 12. Friday's signing will trigger a 60-day final deal negotiation period, extendable by mutual consent 13. Joint executive mechanism to monitor implementation and final deal compliance 14. The final deal will be endorsed by a binding UN Security Council resolution Iran via Tasnim has confirmed this is the final MOU, with Ghalibaf adding "everything we sought to achieve through military action was secured several times over at the negotiating table, in a way that cannot even be compared."

JD Vance gets cooked when Gutfeld says it's "scummy" to change your views to get elected, and Jessica Tarlov hilariously notes that's how JD Vance got elected.

The Aussies are bringing game. 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏

He ruined his own career.

Gutfeld: It's scummy to change your positions to get elected. Tarlov: Uh...VP right here has done that. Vance: We have to go to commercial

Wearing a political hat at a theme park is the most loser shit you could do

They told JD in the situation room, that trump mutilated a minor’s nipples during a rape. What did JD say? Jonathan Swann and Maggie Haberman have the recording of that moment. NY Times, release it now. This is a national security blackmail crisis. “NippleGate” must be exposed.

He's a vegan in the way you're heterosexual.

It’s an inevitability.

🚨 JUST IN: ​IRGC Navy: ​"We will open the Strait of Hormuz only by the order of our leader Khamenei, not by the tweets of a fool."

HE STARTED THE WAR IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU FUCKING IDIOT

Trump would pardon sean Strickland for his disorderly conduct charge, but unfortunately sean didn’t rape a kid or steal billions of dollars from poor people. So his hands are tied.

Can someone please prove that Gunther Eagleman is a man because from what we've seen so far...

Hegseth: We've had control of the straits this whole time CBS host: So why are you negotiating with them to reopen it?! Caught red-handed. From “We control Hormuz” to begging Iran on their knees. Total US humiliation!

This aged well…

BREAKING: Iran says the US has agreed to permanently hand over the Strait of Hormuz to Iran under their full sovereign authority, with Iran collecting tolls called "service fees" from all commercial ships after a 60-day waiver period. The opening is planned for Friday, after the signing, per Fars. With pre-war Hormuz traffic at 30,000 vessels and 7.6 billion barrels of oil per year, this could generate $10 billion in annual revenue for Iran, and comes on top of the $300 billion in reconstruction funds directly sent to Iran. This also directly contradicts Trump's claim of a "toll free opening of the Strait of Hormuz" under no fees.

Aaaaaaand there it is…

OMG Another Epstein victim has come forward. She claims to have tapes that feature Trump raping minors. The truth will be revealed.

HE STARTED THE WAR, you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid motherfucker.