The Satanic Verses youtu.be/OFth2JyXBi4?si=LqYt… via @YouTube

'Just be yourself' was the worst advice ever. Now everyone is scared and I need a lawyer. Morning guys #Z

Yesterday, cost me $52 to fill up in Illinois. Then cost me $39 to fill up in Ohio. Don't tell me it's the Straits of Hormuz. @WhiteHouse

My wife said she was now doing jaw-strengthening exercises and I, wisely, refrained from comment.

What does a cat take when it gets allergies? Anti-hiss-tamines. #NotSorry

Many of my family were murdered by the Nazis for nothing more than being Jewish. And now some kid from an elite university — whose greatest trauma is getting a cold Starbucks coffee — explains to me what fascism means. These really are astonishing times.

The Boy in the Suitcase youtu.be/kUMtmDWKAVQ?si=Eqt-… via @YouTube

When I was Muslim, I compared Muhammad’s last words to Jesus’ last words. Not just the facts, but the spirit behind them. And bro, the difference is staggering. It shook my devout Muslim faith. According to Sahih al-Bukhari, Muhammad’s final words included: “May Allah curse the Jews and the Christians. They made the graves of their prophets into places of worship.” Those are words associated with his final moments. No forgiveness. No reconciliation. No peace. Now compare that to Jesus. Beaten, betrayed, tortured, hanging on a cross with nails through His wrists, Jesus says: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And then: “It is finished.” One dies speaking curses. The other dies extending forgiveness. One ends by drawing lines and reinforcing division. The other tears the veil and reconciles heaven and earth. And whether people like it or not, final words reveal something deeply personal about the heart. That contrast shook me. Because one man’s final moments reinforced separation, while the other’s changed eternity through mercy, sacrifice, and love. Please sit with that honestly.

RT @RCdeWinter: 4 beer company CEOs walked into a bar The CEO of Budweiser ordered a Bud Light. The CEO of Miller ordered a Miller Light.…

OK, so naked running. Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech. I wish I knew this an hour ago.

Why do nurses carry red pens? In case they need to draw blood. #NotSorry

HR Director: You failed your drug test. Me: I can explain. It was the poppyseed bagel I had for breakfast. HR: How do you explain the cocaine and marijuana? Me: Oh wait, it was an everything bagel.

Me at 22: I'm going to be the CEO Me at 52: I can't wait to retire Me at 72: Would you like fries with that

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: "Duck, eggs!" I thought: "That's an unnecessary comma." - then it hit me.

Steel Beach youtu.be/7F0oJNdKSRM?si=Mifw… via @YouTube

Military The Army sleeps under the stars. The Navy navigates by the stars. The Air Force chooses hotels by the number of its stars!

Some of my followers consistently clutch at their pearls whenever this dark fantasy and horror writer/editor/reviewer/reader/watcher dares to talk about dark fantasy and horror. Have I somehow misrepresented what I do? Have they somehow got lost while trying to find ‘rainbows and unicorns’ Twitter? Anyways, I won’t apologise for my content. Expect much more.

I'm officially at the age where everything that feels like only a couple years ago was actually a couple decades ago. Morning guys #Z

I was stuck in traffic this afternoon and glanced to the side to see a gentleman twiddling a rather fine moustache in the car alongside me. The world needs more of this! When did you last witness/experience a good moustache twiddle?