It's my birthday today. When I woke up, I joked to myself that I can now add the SHIZO to the list of places where I've celebrated it over the years. And then, like many other people who reach a certain age (I've turned 47 today, wow), I though about my I thought about my accomplishments over the past year and my plans for the next.
I haven't accomplished much, and this was best summed up the other day by the psychologist at our penal colony. The procedure requires that before you are sent to the SHIZO, you must be examined by a medical officer (to check whether you will bear it) and a psychologist (to make sure you don't hang yourself). Well, after our meeting the psychologist said: "This is the 16th time we've put you in the SHIZO, but you keep cracking jokes, and your mood is much better than that of the committee members." That's actually true, but on the morning of your birthday you have to be honest with yourself, so I ask myself the question: am I really in a good mood, or do force myself to feel that way?
My answer is: I really am. Let's face it, of course I wish I didn't have to wake up in this hellhole and instead have breakfast with my family, receive kisses on the cheek from my children, unwrap presents, and say: "Wow, this is exactly what I dreamed of!" But life works in such a way that social progress and a better future can only be achieved if a certain number of people are willing to pay the price for their right to have beliefs. The more such people there are, the less everyone has to pay. And surely the day will come when speaking the truth and advocating for justice will become something commonplace and not at all dangerous in Russia.
But until that day comes, I do not see my situation as a heavy burden or a yoke, but rather as a job that needs to be done. Every job has its unpleasant parts, right? So I'm going through the unpleasant part of my favorite job right now.
My plan for the previous year was not to grow brutal and bitter and lose my laid-back demeanor - that would mean the beginning of my defeat. And all my success in this was only possible because of your support.
As always, on my birthday, I want to thank all the people I've met in my life. The good ones for having helped and still helping me. The bad ones for the fact that my experience with them has taught me something. Thanks to my family for always being there for me!
But the biggest thank you and biggest salute I want to give today goes to all political prisoners in Russia, Belarus and other countries. Most of them are have it much harder than me. I think about them all the time. Their resilience inspires me every day.