🚨 Not Breaking: I did not read 24,000 lines of X algorithm code on GitHub in an hour because I am not full of sh*t like the people who said they did. They asked Grok to summarize it and some just made stuff up. Here’s what I know: 1. If you post more than 9 times a day, the algorithm makes your 10th post fight a raccoon behind a gas station for distribution. 2. Original content is rewarded, but only after being briefly drowned in a bucket to see if it floats. 3. The algorithm can tell when you opened the app just to check your own likes, and it lowers your reach out of disgust. 4. If your post does well too quickly, the system assumes witchcraft. 5. If you say “I might delete this,” the algorithm immediately knows you won’t. 6. The algorithm can detect when you care too much and will punish you accordingly. 7. If you post a banger after midnight, it gets shown exclusively to Australians, and a divorced man in Ohio. 8. If you say “this needs to be studied,” the algorithm sends your post to people who have never studied anything. 9. If you ask people to repost, the algorithm treats you like a man holding a clipboard outside a grocery store. 10. If you post while calm and reasonable, it assumes your account has been hacked. 11. If your post is doing well, the system checks whether you are enjoying yourself. If yes, it fixes that. At press time, the algorithm had reportedly changed again because one guy in Nebraska refreshed the app too aggressively. My verdict: post like a normal person, pray like a medieval peasant, and never trust anyone who says they “figured out the algorithm.”

What In The Fuck Would You Need This For?!?

Go to my profile you heathens

Five songs to get to know me… Rock only: 1. Supertramp - Breakfast In America 2. Descendants - Coolage 3. Tool - 46 & 2 4. fIREHOSE - Down With the Bass 5. Husker Du - Don't Want to Know if You're Lonely