Meet Batch — the ancient guardian of data integrity. He doesn’t use GUIs. He doesn’t explain joins. He doesn’t fix your query — he deletes it. 🪦 Every company has a Batch. You know who they are. Don’t say their name out loud — unless you’re ready for a normalization lecture. #AIHumor #DatabaseAdmin #SQL #DataScience #TechComedy #AiHahaLol #DataIntegrity #LegacyCode #BatchTheAI #TechLife #DevHumor #ITComedy #DBAProblems #NormalizeYourSoul #AITakesOver

Just tried sharding my MySQL database before tuning any queries. Because why fix problems when you can multiply them? 😂 #DBAProblems #MySQL #MySQLTips #SQLTips #Humour

Just added my 100th index on the same column in PostgreSQL because, you know, I like my queries like I like my coffee: extremely fast and slightly overdone. ☕💨 #OverIndexing #DBAProblems #Geek #Humour #MinervaDB #ChistaDATA #PostgreSQL

Two listed AFL players called Bailey Williams is bad enough, but there is also now a second Callum Brown. And the other one is an Irishman, so his Gaelic name is probably Cuidlguwlghioeyf and they could have used that instead. #shakesfist #dbaproblems

Enforcing uniformity of maintenance scripts with @puppetize sounded awesome. Then I realized how many "one off's" I had that need to be standardized. I think I am going to need a stiff drink. #dbaproblems

How Long Before Your Database Runs Out of Space? ow.ly/uT7E30cvBkn #DBAProblems #SQL #OutOfSpace

Overheard in the office: "A man cannot live off of SQL alone" #DBAProblems

When I use SQL Server as a calculator because I’m too lazy to actually open calculator. #dbaproblems

Starting my workday like... #DBAProblems

My DBI alerting system is really pissed off that Runstats was shut off for one night. Like 917 Messages pissed off. #DBAproblems

Ive been writing so much sql lately ive been finding myself puting underscores and semicolons instead of periods and spaces 😂😂 #dbaproblems

Using a linked server to query an Oracle database. I feel dirty. #dbaproblems

Im a lot out of it still, so im gonna get a #lunchable and hopefully sleep. #spoonProbs #DBAProblems #fireworkpeople

Thanks to @bubz66 for stopping by today. And I guess bringing @leahedavis was ok to... #hospitalcaptivity #dbaproblems