I started going to a new mental health facility, because the PCP that prescribed me my Lexapro and Xanax decided to do that goddamn "MDVIP" program (If you don't know what that is, I'll wait. Look it up. And then you can come back and help me lament the American healthcare system again...), which meant that I would have to pay like $2100/year for the PRIVILEGE of being his patient.
I said, "Fuck that, and fuck you" and I dipped.
Fast-forward to me needing to finally re-up my prescriptions. So I needed to find a place that would not give me a hard time about refilling my Xanax, and I found this healthcare place and it's been actually super easy going and delightful.
The trade-off is, he wants to see me once a month for the first (I dunno I think we're going on month 4 now?) to make sure that everything is going fine (even though I've been on these meds for YEARS, so we both know it will be but, protocol...), but I'm totally fine doing that because it's just for the first few and then we'll space them way farther apart.
ANYWAY... every appointment he asks me how I'm doing and asks the usual. "Any anxiety? Any thoughts of suicide? Blah blah blah". My appointments are usually like... 5 minutes long. Maybe. Super quick.
Well, I have an appointment on Monday and for the first time when he asks me "Have you had any anxiety", my answer ISN'T going to be my standard, "Not any more than is normal."
Instead it's going to be, "Well... on Saturday I was consistently battling existential crisis about life and death and dying... and... I think it weirdly was triggered by the news of the death of Nicholas Brendon (Rest in peace) who died "of natural causes" at the age of fifty fucking four, to which my brain said, "Oh that's only 15 years older than you. You could be dead in 15 years, for literally no reason" and then you know... it spiraled from there.
And while, NO, I DIDN'T take a Xanax as a result, because it wasn't manifesting itself as physical symptoms, that's definitely DIFFERENT than my standard base-line of anxiety. So.
But yeah, no, the meds are still great. Nothing to report there."