A message to TTC couples
If Allāh has tested you and your spouse with delayed conception, I beg you to not look at your spouse as the cause from a place of ignorance. From what I have observed (which may be insufficient to generalise), men are usually impatient with delayed conception, the quickest to blame the woman and the most reluctant to exhaust every avenue for finding a solution.
I understand that I am venturing into a topic Allāh has not tried me with, so I may never understand the pain of those in it, but I also know for certain that going at a problem as a team will always be better than when one party blames the other without evidence. Sometimes, the fear that the evidence will reveal one spouse as the source of the problem may be responsible for the reluctance in going for checks. But if you don't go for a check and the other person does, further reluctance only increases suspicion. I believe the current recommendation is to go for checks after 1 year of consistent and deliberate intercourse without conception (6 months for women over 35).
Sometimes, the tests might even reveal that all that is needed is just lifestyle modification or even a better understanding of the peculiarities of your wife's cycle to aid conception. For instance, a man with low sperm counts may be advised on lifestyle modifications including optimizing diet, weight, exercise, smoking cessation, and management of underlying medical conditions, which may improve sperm parameters and fertility potential. For the woman, hormonal imbalances can affect the frequency of ovulation or even a complete absence of it (anovulation). In many cases, identifying and treating the underlying hormonal problem can improve ovulation and increase the chances of conception. These are just a few among many reasons for the delayed conception that only tests will reveal. The tests could even reveal that both of you are just fine.
More important than even the tests is the need for emotional support. You need to be strong and be there for each other because it can be trying and I can only imagine how trying it can be. Do not consider divorce unless it is absolutely necessary. Staying together can be a way of covering the faults of one another. A painful divorce in such a circumstance can easily reveal who among the couples has the problem. We have seen people divorce a woman because she is unable to give birth only to be faced with the same challenge in his new marriage. Then people start connecting the dots. However this is just an appeal, as the choice to stay or leave is entirely yours, that is if all evidence points to the fact that your spouse is the one with the problem.
If you are single reading this, protect your fertility health to the best of your ability. Avoid promiscous lifestyles. It seems like fun at first till the consequence comes. Not only are you exposed to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease from STIs, some cases of female infertility can be traced to previous history of unsafe abortions. Marry as early as you can. Fertility declines with age, even in men, and especially in women. Avoid drinking and smoking and all forms of recreational drugs. Maintain a healthy weight. Pay attention to your menstrual health (seek medical evaluation for irregular cycles, prolonged absence of periods and abnormally heavy bleeding). Exercise more and avoid sedentary lifestyle. Limit or avoid exposure to reproductive toxins like radiation, certain industrial chemicals (like phthalates, bisphenol and pesticides ), anabolic steroids, etc. I see that egg donation is the new rave for young women to make cheap money. Besides the fact that this is Haram in Islam, I hope women are aware they have a finite number of eggs, and the risks they are exposed to from the process of eggs being harvested. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
May Allāh bless every TTC parent with wonderful children and increase them in patience.
{ لِّلَّهِ مُلۡكُ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِۚ يَخۡلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُۚ يَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ إِنَٰثٗا وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ ٱلذُّكُورَ
أَوۡ يُزَوِّجُهُمۡ ذُكۡرَانٗا وَإِنَٰثٗاۖ وَيَجۡعَلُ مَن يَشَآءُ عَقِيمًاۚ إِنَّهُۥ عَلِيمٞ قَدِيرٞ
To Allāh belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males.
Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent.
Surah Ash-Shūrā: 49- 50
Abu Imrān