Yall, I have cracked the Cole Tomas Allen case, allegedly, pls don’t sue me
(That MFer has 3 first names, there’s your first red flag).
Now, please ignore the offensive globe because we all know the earth is flat.
No, I don’t have any proof, so don’t ask me any stupid fking questions, Susan.
Ok, so Israel, that little dreidel looking ass country across the Atlantic that is suspiciously close to the booty hole of the earth is using RGL’s to carry out these staged, yet real assassin attempts.
If you don’t know what RGL’s are, please pay close attention.
They are retarded gay lasers that Israel has placed on the satellites in the firmament because space isn’t real.
Now, these RGLs are aimed at the U.S. in the attempt to ping the retarded gays, dialing em up like a Jewish neuro link to carry out Israel’s bidding.
On this last assassination attempt, Israel chose to point all these retarded gay lasers at California because we all know that is the gayest fking state in these United States & the chances of tapping a gay there are 100% in any given GPS coordinate direction.
And that’s when they pinged Cole Tomas Allen, the retarded gay engineer - jackpot.
Now as a PSA, if you are not retarded or gay, these lasers will not affect you so there is no need to panic and go by 5,000 rolls of toilet paper. Don’t be a fking retard or the lasers will get you.
And, no, that one lesbian experience I had in college does not count. Literally, everyone fking does that, Netanyahu, don’t come for me. Your retarded gay lasers will not work on me.
Now stay tuned for part two as I divulge all the ways in which these retarded gay lasers are being used all across these United States to control the pronoun posse. That’s why they are so retarded and violent.
*shakes fists in the air, cursing the Jews